Favorite Mike & Molly Quotes
Mike: Wait, you mean she's acted like this before?
Joyce: Prom, senior picture day, and one god awful summer when she decided to master the accordion.
Peggy: Either call him by his Christian name, Jim, or his full name, James Douglas McAthur Biggs.
Molly: Jim it is.
I'm just so proud of how you turned out. You've got people who love and respect you, and I know it's not because of me. It's in spite of me.
Jack Biggs [to Mike]
Life is full of mystery. Just think, if I was a monkey and you were a bowl of coleslaw, we wouldn't be having this conversation.
Victoria
Molly: Slow and steady always wins the race. Don't I always say that?
Mike: She does, never in the right context, but it's a good saying anyway.
I'm going to jail? I'm too young and too pretty! Those butch chicks will be on me like ants on a peach!
Victoria
Peggy: You invited your dead beat dad and his whore to our wedding?
Mike: Well, it's still up in the air with the whore.
Molly: Our wedding?!
Christina: Are you crying?
Carl: I can't help it. I'm a sucker for 70's soul!
Molly: I'm starting to think that flying for our honeymoon is spooking you.
Mike: What are you talking about? I'm a Chicago police officer. We're known far and wide as being unspookable.
Molly: Where are you going?
Mike: To lie down, I'm feeling a little queasy.
Mike [to Carl]: I'm gonna order lunch. Can I get you anything?
Christina: Get him a spine, in case he was born without one.
I know what goes on between pilots and students. I've seen more than my fair share of pornography.
Vince
Victoria: Well, everybody dies. I just want to make sure they're ready for whatever is waiting for them.
Mike: Might as well hedge your bets. If there is an afterlife, you don't want to be the ugly one.
