Mitchell: There is a lot of pressure when one is a gay uncle.
Cam: Or guncle.

Yes I'm a huge dork for celebrating my 21st with my family, but my mom was crazy excited to go to a bar with me, or just go to a bar.

Haley

Luke [to Lily]: Okay a boy and a girl meet a frat party and they both think each other is totally hot. So they pound their beers and head upstairs-
Manny: Luke! Stop. She's not hearing this from you.

Cam: Umm well I can raise the roof and do the cabbage patch.
Mitchell: And I can do the single lady hand thing.
Cam: Yeah but put your neck into it or you just look like the Queen waving.

Oh my God, stop. We're gancient!

Mitchell

Alex: Sex is confusing for young people and she doesn't need to learn about it from two fuzz staches who barely know anything themselves!
Luke: Excuse me, you might want to check my browser history. I've done some research.

"To our best friend." That's a little sarcastic. It's her birthday, eh.

Mitchell

Claire: We are having fun.
Mitchell: You are. I'm just doing what you're making me do.

I know you think you discovered the new you, but you're controlling even when you're trying to not be controlling.

Mitchell [to Claire]

If it were easy, everyone would be hot.

Haley

Lesson learned- when pressure builds to dangerous levels, it must be released.

Luke

Jay: I thought your phone was stolen.
Gloria: This is Joe's phone.
Jay: This is why the terrorists hate us.

Modern Family Quotes

You could pretend to get sick at the table. You know cough, stomachache, dealer's choice, I don't care just sell it.

Mitchell

Thank you Uncle Manny!

Haley