Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern-family

If you ain't white, you ain't right.

Phil

My knee's been singing all morning.

I really thought it was too late for me. But for the last few minutes, I've been watching all of you acting like children and it hit me. I've got plenty of time left to be a kid.

You cheated on me with choreography and that is the worst kind.

Cam

Just filling out the application to family camp. You don't win the 'Dirty Dancing' competition and not go back to defend your crown.

Phil

You can't have two fun parents... You know that kid Liam who wears pajama pants to school and pays for things with a hundred-dollar bill? Two fun parents.

Claire

You'd think growing up in a place full of death squads and drunken uncles, she'd have learned to move a little bit faster.

Jay [on Gloria]

I'm just saying you were never much of a kid. And that's a good thing 'cause I never liked kids.

Jay

Look at Luke there, making one big straw out of three. Never change, Luke.

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