Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern-family

We're not going to play good cop/mom.

Phil

Where was all this conscience when I got us into the first-class lounge in the airport and you chewed Angela Lansbury's ear off?

Mitchell

I'm probably going to have a Latino kid carry my clubs anyway, might as well be you.

Jay

After the earthquake, it might be nice to be around similarly dressed people.

Cam

It's like they say, sometimes God closes a door, but sometimes he closes it so hard, you can't get your wife out.

Phil

Yo yo yo, what's the hot topic on The View today, ladies

Phil

Pepper: I feel like a joke.
Cam: You're not a joke. You're Pepper Salzman!

I brought you some soda, but I couldn't find any straws, so you'll have to drink it like cats.

Luke

I got scared because the cabinet didn't fall down.

Luke
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