Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern-family

Hey what do you say we cut our losses? Let's go out to a nice Chinese restaurant and have a traditional Jewish Christmas.

Jay

Claire: Oh thank God, here comes Phil and the butterball.
Manny: Hey, I have a name!!

That's how Craigslist works. Total strangers sell you things like signed vintage baseball cards that make your father-in-law respect you for an afternoon.

Phil

Cam: Why so much tape Jay?
Jay: Why are you wearing a sweater when it's 95 degrees out?
Cam: It's my Christmas sweater!
Jay: Based on those stains, you are the Christmas sweater.

Cam and Jay, kind of sounds like a bird.

Cam

Okay just because my uncle is clearly gay, doesn't mean he'd ever want your tacky pink tree. And frankly, we'd rather throw some lights on our coat rack than have to deal with knuckledraggers like you, today of all days...December 16th.

Alex

Listen to me, your whole life has led to this moment. All the training, the hours of dedication, there's not a soul alive that can touch you when it comes to shopping and baby you know it. Look at me, be you!

Claire

Gloria: Luke!
Luke: At what?
Gloria: What do you mean at what? I said Luke.
Luke: I am looking!

Uh I have a party tonight. You promised I could go if I got a B on my test. I studied, I read stuff, what was the point of all that?

Haley
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