Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern-family

Oh, here we go, because in Colombia we trip over goats and we kill people in the street! Do you know how offensive that is? Like we're Peruvians!

Gloria

Phil: I am completely on board your mother's horse and buggy to yesteryear. For the next week, I may as well be Amish. Jebediah Dunphy: Raisin' barns, witnessin' murders, making electric-fireplace hearths.

Gloria: I took him to a farm where he has plenty of room to run.
Jay: That's the second thing they say when something's dead.

Don't skimp on linens. Don't compliment a teacher on her figure. And when it comes to my mom, never ask questions I don't want the answers to.

Manny

I don't get how one dog keeps you awake when you grew up sleeping through cockfights and revolutions.

Jay [to Glorida]

Well, my white-man name is Tucker. I am 1/16 Cherokee. Ready for child to soar like eagle.

Cam

Don't take this the wrong way, but I have almost no faith in you.

Claire

Jay: Don't most kids drink soda?
Manny: Who knows what they do?

Disabled inter-racial lesbians? With an African-American kicker? I did not see that coming.

Cam
Displaying quotes 1 - 9 of 12 in total