Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern-family

Now, the old Jay would have said, 'I wanted to be on a lake with a fishing rod and sunshine. Not bobbing around at night in a swimming pool.' I miss the old Jay.

Jay

Twelve times a year I get sausages, that's it. Now what am I going to do until June?

Jay

Let me work my magic. It's all about creative editing. Just give me two hours, and then another hour. Someone get me a chocolate milk, with extra salt.

Luke

Yeah, I'm just water-washing my hands.

Manny

Glen Whipple. My college rival. Captain of the cheer squad. Winner of every robot battle. Every second I spent with the guy just made me feel worse about myself. Only thing I could compete with him in was close-up magic.

Phil

I have a tennis racquet upstairs I only use as a bubble-bath frothier.

Manny

Well, you're pretending to be something you're not, and boys do that for girls or really dreamy boys.

Cam

I only used it once, and that was to take a torte out of the oven.

Manny [on his baseball glove]

Jay: Sausage-of-the-month club really nailed it in May, but honey, no offense, they almost lost me last month with that chorizo.
Gloria: Why no offense? It's a sausage, it's not on our flag.

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