NCIS
Mondays 9:00 PM on CBSFavorite NCIS Quotes
Palmer: I'm so not having kids.
Abby: Okay Jimmy. That does it. Excuse us, director, but something has gotten into Mr. Palmer, and I would like to get it out now.
Vance: Well don't let me interfere.
Bishop: It's just....I did everything right. I mean, I was textbook. How can I fail?
McGee: Everybody fails. It's the Kobayashi Maru.
Life isn't always perfect, you know? But sometimes things would work out for the best if you just had faith.
Abby
Jackie Vance: So this is why you had to be in the office so early? Garfield shipped Nermal to the Kremlin again?
Leon Vance: Lasagna shortage in Damascus.
McGee: Lee Wuan Kai: North Korean assassin, one time fanatical nationalist, credited with 27 targeted hits in seven countries, dozens more by association -
Tony: She likes quiet walks on the beach, laughing with friends and playing Frisbee with her Cocker Spaniel Rufus.
Ziva: It does not say that.
Tony: Well it might as well.
When a dog turns on its owner, there's only one possible course of action - you put the dog down. I ate mine. Childhood memories are the sweetest, aren't they?
Burton
Tony: He got a name?
Ziva: Who?
Tony: Star of David.
Ziva: Oh him, yes he has a name.
Tony: Trevor? Bruce? Marmaduke?
Ziva: Michael.
Tony: Um, he sounded more like a Bruce than a Michael on the phone.
His chest is bigger than Diane's.
Fornell
Tony: Wow. Wowsers.
Diane: This is not what it looks like.
Fornell: Right. We were just...
Gibbs: No. I do not need the details.
Tony: I wouldn't mind a few details.
Bishop: Okay. Which costume do you like better for me and Jake? Popeye and Olive Oil or the old farming couple from American Gothic?
Tony: Neither. Bishop this is a chance for you to be whoever you want for one night. Why don't you get crazy; step out of your preppy librarian "hot for teacher" comfort zone?
Bishop: Hey.
McGee: What are your other ideas?
Bishop: I don't want to say.
Tony: Romeo and Juliet.
McGee: Cinderella and Prince Charming.
Tony: Anthony and Cleopatra
McGee: Bonnie and Clyde
Tony: How close are we?
McGee: You know it's hard to imagine the same woman liking Fornell and this Eddie guy. Although, maybe Diane liked him because he's not Fornell.
Fornell: Best leave the psychoanalysis to Duckie. If you value breathing.
McGee: She doesn't want to wear a costume.
Tony: What? Are you insane? For the love of all that is holy, probie - let's get with the program. Abby takes this holiday very seriously. You deviate from the plan, you pay the consequences. Tell her, McGee.
McGee: Halloween 2007, I told Abby I didn't want to carve a pumpkin.
Tony: He's still waiting for the other one to descend.
