McGee: Not a hacker, either.
Ziva: How do you know?
McGee: My firewall hasn't been penetrated.
Tony: Lubricant helps, but everybody has dry spots.
(Ziva laughs)

(Gibbs walks into the squad room)
Gibbs: Come on, grab your gear. Don't wanna miss the school bus.
Tony: Class trip, boss?
Gibbs: Got a dead petty officer in a high school stairwell. Janitor found him this morning.
Tony: Hmm. (Starts singing) Wheels on the bus go...
Gibbs: (Gibbs joins in) ...round and round, round and round, round and round...

Admiral Chase: Does Agent David carry a weapon?
Gibbs: She is a weapon.

Ziva: I remember my first fight. I was eight. Shmuel Rubinstein.
Tony: Sounds like a real stud.
Ziva: One punch and it was over.
Tony: What did poor Shmuel do to deserve the wrath of Ziva?
Ziva: He said he liked me.

(Ziva, Tony and McGee are discussing Ziva's vacation with her elusive boyfriend)
McGee: So when do we get to meet him? And please tell us his name!
Tony: Oh no! Please, let me guess. Zeus? Er...Thor?
Ziva: His name is Ray.
Tony: Ray! What a nice little name! Ray, like Ray Crocker, Ray Charles, Sugar Ray...
Ziva: Erm...I promise you, Ray is a good man.
(Tony smiles at her jokingly before he realises she is being serious)

(After McGee has opened a parcel containing a blow up doll)
McGee: Erm...real funny, Tony.
Tony: (Laughs) You think I did this?
Ziva: I would not put it past you.
Tony: Guys! Come on, a little credit, please. I have grown past this kinda sophomore thing. I mean, who would do something so...genius! McGee with a plastic girlfriend! Congratulations, Tim! She's very sweet.
McGee: The receipt's got my credit card information on it. It must be some kind of mistake.
Ziva: I would cancel your credit card.
McGee: Right now, all I need to do is figure out how to deflate this thing.
Tony: Oh that's easy, there's always a button right here on the back of the neck...
(Tony realises what he has just said)...there's no reason I should know that.

Doug: Stop talking to me like that.
Tony: Stop lying to me like that.

One gets over a watch. You never get over a loved one.

Ziva

Tony: What's goin' on here? We being replaced by younger models?
Ziva: I am a younger model.
Tony: If that was intended to hurt me you've succeeded.
Ziva: And we are not being replaced. They are from Waverly University.
Tony: Oh yeah. That's right. Director Vance's internship program. It's not a good idea. Feeds McGee's need to have groupies.

Gibbs: Facebook. That's that thing that some people... do stuff with?
Ducky: The term is social networking.

Ziva: Hello, Abby.
Abby: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? How could you have doubted Tony, after everything you've been through together? You really think Tony killed Rivkin because he was jealous?! You weren't thinking. That's right, you weren't thinking. Although I supposed I can understand your initial reaction. You were at an emotional time for you, when people act rashly. But to tell Gibbs that you didn't trust Tony?! Which again, I can understand, I mean, he did just shoot your boyfriend... in your living room... to death. Alright, I'll give you that.

Ziva: I'm sorry if I hurt you in all of this. It was never intended. Tony, I care too much about our...friendship. I do not want it to be awkward between us.
Tony: Hey. [Kisses her forehead.] Nothing's awkward between friends.

NCIS quotes are not to be missed. The crime solving is great and all, but the one-liners from the characters - and Tony's movie quotes, and Gibbs' one-word zingers - are often some of the most memorable parts of a given episode. Be it simple or profound, the show has a way of amping up the drama when it matters most and using levity to keep things grounded. NCIS quotes cover the full spectrum and then some.

NCIS Quotes

McGee: Rule number 70 - keep digging till you hit bottom.
Abby: McGee! There is no rule 70.
McGee: Well, I--
Abby: You just made up a rule. This McGibbs thing has really gone to your head. I don't even recognize you right now.

Well tie me up and call me Loretta.

Fornell