Abby: Ducky.
Ducky: Abby? Ooh, how kind of you to visit.
Abby: Oh, they gave you morphine.
Ducky: Just a drop.
Ducky: Oh, and you need to send for a substitute M.E.- aah, Jordan...?
Jimmy Palmer: Dr. Hampton?
Ducky: Yeah, on my desk you'll find her number while I myself lay here getting much number. (Ducky laughs) Nurse, more anesthetic. And don't spare the horses.

Abby: I never know what to get anyone, especially Gibbs! What do you get for the guy that has nothing and wants nothing?
Ducky: Some squeaky shoes.

Gibbs: Abs, it's Christmas Eve. Go home.
Abby: I can't. I have to go shopping.
Gibbs: Then do it.
Abby: I don't know what to get anybody. What do you think Tony needs?
Gibbs: An attitude adjustment.
Abby: Gibbs, you're not helping.

Ducky: Something wrong, Jethro?
Gibbs: Fingerprints found at a double homicide yesterday belong to a Petty Officer who's supposed to have been dead seventeen years. (hands Ducky a file) His death certificate.
Ducky: Oh dear. (chuckles) Someone's in trouble. (looks at the certificate) I signed it?!

Gibbs: (as he and Quinn look at the Vietnam Memorial Wall) No matter how many times I come here, it still gets to me. You look at a name, and you have to look at a reflection of yourself. You are among the fallen.
Quinn: Yeah. Difference is, you can leave. The names don't.

Tony: (photographing a wrecked car) Huh, someone didn't know how to parallel park!
Ziva: I have always found it hard to park when someone is shooting with you.

It appears our deceased had an unfortunate accident before his unfortunate accident.

Ducky

Reminds me of my first apartment in college. You can almost smell the Ikea.

Tony

Ziva: I remember my first fight. I was eight. Shmuel Rubinstein.
Tony: Sounds like a real stud.
Ziva: One punch and it was over.
Tony: What did poor Shmuel do to deserve the wrath of Ziva?
Ziva: He said he liked me.

Tony: Don't worry McScout; We got our Mossad hunting dog. Bark once for yes.
Ziva: Grrrr!

Abby: (to McGee) Like most things, it would go faster if there were two people working on it, but since you're babysitting the P-R-I-S-O-N-E-R...
Lee: (rolling her eyes) I can spell, Abby.
Abby: Really? Um, okay, how bout T-R-U-S-T?

Tony: (on the phone) Hey Probie, what I am looking at?
Vance: A career in the fast food industry.
Tony: Director Vance. How are you, sir?

NCIS Quotes

If someone thinks they have the upper-hand, break it. (Season 8, Episode 24)

Rule #16

[voiceover] Anyone can achieve their fullest potential, who we are might be predetermined, but the path we follow is always of our own choosing. We should never allow our fears or the expectations of others to set the frontiers of our destiny. Your destiny can't be changed but, it can be challenged. Every man is born as many men and dies as a single one.

McGee