Let's concentrate on the smite later.

Schmidt

He lures you in with his charm, his mustache, and his perfect hair!

Nick

Jess: But I need like a backstory, like why am I mad at the can?
Angie: The can is your ex-boyfriend and he did not respect your space and thought that your arts and crafts section of your house was ridiculous.
Jess: What?!
Angie: Yeah, enough?

Winston: So that means you're gonna do whatever I say?
Schmidt: I mean as long as it's gangsta...or not. It doesn't have to be.

Can we just concentrate on the fact that like I was tripping pretty hard on the Absinthe and I said no to a stripper.

Sam

Fantasy and nightmare colliding.

Nick

Welcome to your bachelorette party 2.0.

Jess

I can't believe I have to have feelings to have good sex. I thought I'd be dead before that happened.

Schmidt

Melissa: I'm 32 by my eggs are 48 and my vagina is 97.
Sadie: And it gets better with age. It's like the vagina Helen Mirin.

I look very handsome! I look like I'm on "Miami Vice"!

Nick

Bob: No, no, no. It was my mistake. I'll wait five hours and come back when Joan's shift is up.
Joan: Bob, just stay! What if we need something ruined?
Jess: Mom!
Bob: It's all right. I'll spend my holiday at a Los Angeles coffee shop, sitting around with people who have nothing better to do on Thanksgiving than work on their screenplay. I probably won't want to blow my head off.

It's like my hearing is what a dog hears.

Jess

New Girl Quotes

Beans are nothing but soggy nuts!

Schmidt

Get rid of it, Jess. Pine has no place in this loft. It's the wood of poor people and outhouses.

Schmidt