I know you're not a stripper, but is there any way you can take your short pants off?

Jess

I want to thank everyone for an amazing dinner. Special shout out to Winston for a shockingly good toast.

Jess

What is this? The last night of drama camp?

Jess

Nick: Dude, Schmidt lost his vows.
Winston: For the wedding?
Schmidt: No. Different vows.
Winston: Oh, then what's the big deal?
Schmidt: What is wrong with you people?

We're gonna play True American because I want to. I'm using my bride card!

Cece

Everyone has had sex in my room!

Jess

It's not gonna end well for these two.

Nick

Nick, we will talk about this in the morning. But, first, I'm gonna go do stuff with a girl

Winston

Edgar: Oh my God, you smell like waffles.
Edgar's girlfriend: Want to eat me up?
Edgar: Yes, I do.

Don't ask about the duffle bag, bitch!

Edgar's mom

You're the deer! He wants to kill you! You're the deer!

Nick

What are you, the doodle police?

Jess

New Girl Quotes

A lot of people never graduated high school! Einstein! Bill Gates! Anne Frank! I'm gonna take back that last one.

Schmidt

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick