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Ooh, bonus shot of Dad getting a haircut while eating spaghetti!


Have you seen a girl who looks like me, but with chaos in her eyes?


Why lie? You know how many Millers have been or currently are in jail?


I just need to get to Rachel before he tells her horrible-slash-true things about me.


Schmidt: It's a bar mitzvah!
Nick: I am NOT watching a kid get circumcised.

Nick: I just want to make a good impression on Jess's sister.
Schmidt: Yeah, well, I want Julia Child not to be dead, but here we find ourselves.

Sorry to interrupt--I know the morning is the most sensual time of day.

Jess's Mom

Nick: Men don't talk to people they've dated, unless they want sex, or they're Winston.
Winston: I also want sex.

Oh, this is terrible--she's quoting Scripture, but using a ton of cuss words.

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