Nick: I'm not going to a black barber shop, Winston. I've seen the movies. I know how fast they talk. I don't need to seem any less cool than I already do.
Schmidt: Wanna go to my salon?

Oh yea, it's...your baby. It's cute. Yea, your baby's cute.

Nick

Hey tiger, you're having sex tonight. Don't give me that look, just do it!

Jess

It is not that hard. It is an instrument that a cat wears around its neck!

Winston

I don't care if it sounds like a man covered in bells falling down a set of stairs... that are also covered in bells.

Jess

I want friends who still lie to me because they don't want to hurt my feelings. I sadly kind of mean that.

Nick

Winston: Where are your eyes?
Students: On the tiger.

Nick: Do you know what this is Schmidt?
Schmidt: Yea, DOY, it's a SCISSOR...Yeah a scissor that you just threw in the TURDLET.

Winston: Eye of the Tiger ended the cold war.
Jess: That's not even a little bit true.

Schmidt: Lotus Bear Relax! I can smell it on you right now!
Nick: Stop smelling my hair!
Schmidt: You know how much that stuff cost?
Nick: I didn't use your conditioner!
Schmidt: Why does your hair look so baby soft?!

Nick: Unlike you Schmidt, I don't just throw my money at problems!
Schmidt: All I'm hearing is I can't use my bathroom because you're poor.

Yea I put your couch and your freezer in your room. I didn't want to get my poor on them.

Nick

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach