New Girl

Tuesdays 9:00 PM on FOX
New girl
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Jess: Where are your nipples, man?
Schmidt: I'll never tell!

I can do anything I put my mind to. I once figured out Alyssa Milano's phone number just by randomly choosing numbers.

Schmidt

Please take that off, you look like a homeless pencil.

Schmidt

Schmidt: Does it say "share stuff" in the Constitution of America? No, it does not. Nicholas, what does it say?
Nick: Don't share stuff.

Cece: I thought I threw that thing out the window.
Schmidt: That only made it stronger.

You can't outrun the Jewish!

Schmidt

Schmidt: A tuxedo is different from a suit.
Nick: It is??!!

Nick: Schmidt, I have to ask you a favor. It's about my clothes.
Schmidt: Burn them! Burn them all!

I'm going on a date with Elizabeth tonight. I haven't had sex with her since I was fat and accessing my penis was like getting a remote control out of the couch.

Schmidt

Shivrang's Aunt: Who is this?
Schmidt: I'm Gerard Depardieu. Who do you think I am, lady? I'm Schmidt.

Enjoy the break-up. If you need me, I'll be in my room, listening to some mainstream hip-hop.

Schmidt

She's older--MUCH older--DEEPLY Korean.

Schmidt
Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 31 in total

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach