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New-girl

There are plenty of things to be down about--the deficit, air pollution in China, "The Hobbit" wasn't very good...

Schmidt

Don't laugh when they call him "responsible," they don't know why it's hilarious.

Schmidt

My face touched the mustache of a corpse today, Bobby. I'm not afraid of you.

Schmidt

It's only romantic because it's a wedding. I'd be just as happy to sabotage, I don't know, let's say, her tax audit.

Schmidt

Maybe none of us should go to this funeral. The early buzz on this thing is it's gonna be a real drag.

Schmidt

Schmidt: Here are some things you want to hide about yourself on tonight's date--you're cheap, you're a heavy drinker, you're broke, you have a problem with anger.
Winston: Your car is horrible.

Puzzle me this then, Winston-- how do you live with yourself?

Schmidt

I wouldn't even begin to know how to steal a swag.

Schmidt

Elizabeth: There are so many cool traditions at this thing! The groom comes in on a white horse!
Schmidt: So, basically, they're just copying my bar mitzvah.

Let's talk about it, in my perfect two-thirds replica of Don Draper's office.

Schmidt

Tough time in Schmidtsburgh.

Schmidt

Where have you been? I am having a major life crisis, and you guys are, what, just driving around, French kissing each other like a couple of Dutch hookers?

Schmidt
Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 31 in total

New Girl Quotes

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick
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