Leanne: Someone's cranky.
Yoga Jones: Excuse me. If someone hadn't just joined the strike this morning, they might be cranky, too.

Bennett: Daya, I would go to jail.
Daya: Well at least we would be even.

What is the oldest trick in the book? Poop? In a bag? On fire?!


Piper: Why don't you get me an iPhone so I can take pictures and play Candy Crush. I told you before, I'm not risking my freedom for your f*cking byline.
Andrew: Piper, this woman is a criminal.
Piper: Yeah? So am I.

Congratulations. You've officially ruined a man's life.


Morello: Ahh! I think I did the left side too much. The arch is too high?
Nicky: Yeah, it looks like you're really skeptical about everything, but I think the leery look is hot.

Doesn't everyone lie to everyone?


You can't walk home without your shoes. They're nice shoes.
Piper. They're from Marshall's. F*ck you.


Alex: What kind of a lesbian are you?
Piper: The boob-touching kind.

When I said prove it, I meant in a Coach Taylor kind of way, not a terrify all the inmates kind of way.


Larry: I slept with someone.
Piper: Really? You decided to tell me that with your flaccid dick in my mouth?

Larry: I can't believe you're wasting your time on lettuce.
Piper: Do you know how long it's been since I had a vegetable that actually crunched?

Orange is the New Black Quotes

Piper: I spent a lot of time wondering if it would matter if I died.
Nicky: In the macro sense, no. You're one Cheerio in the bulk box of life. But, you f*ckin' tickle me, so I think it would matter.

I like hot girls. And I like hot boys. I like hot people. What can I say? I'm shallow.