April is the best, but she's 20. When April was born I was already in third grade, which means if we were friends back then I would have been hanging out with a baby. I don't know anything about infant care. Oh my god I could have killed her.

Andy

Andy recently diagnosed himself with what he calls Shoeshine Head. It's when you shine too many shoes and the fumes create a thunderstorm in your brain. Cures include coffee, cheeseburgers and napping on the floor.

April

Your ambiguous ethnic blend perfectly represents the dream of
the American melting pot.

Leslie

I dig your groovy tunes man.

April

Ron: Okay, here's the situation.
Leslie: Your parents went away on a week's vacation and left the keys to the brand new Porsche? I'll just take it for a little spin and maybe show it off to a couple of friends. That's when I saw this beautiful girlie girl walking. I picked up my car phone to perpetrate like I was talking. this girl's hand was steadily moving up my thigh. She had opened up three buttons on her shirt so far. I guess that's why I didn't notice that police car. Well parents are the same no matter time nor place, so to you other kids all across the land, no need to worry, parents just don't understand!
Ron: Someone is on fire in Ramsett Park. They need you to get down there right away.

I believe luck is a concept invented by the weak to explain their failures.

Ron

"I guess I kind of hate most things. But I never really seem to hate you. So I want to spend the rest of my life with you, is that cool?"

April

Zerts are what I call deserts, tray trays are what I call entrees, sandwiches are sammies, sandoozles or Adam Sandlers, air conditioners are cool blaterz with a "z" ... I don't know where that came from. I call cakes big ol' cookies, I call noodles long ass rice, fried chicken is fry fry chicky chick, chicken parmesan is chicky chicky parm parm, chicken caciatore is chicky catch, I call eggs pre-birds or future birds, root beer is super water, tortillas are bean blankets, and I call forks... food rakes!

Tom

I'm going to type every word I know! Rectangle. America. Megaphone. Monday. Butthole.

Ron

I once forgot to brush my teeth for five weeks. I didn’t actually sell my last car. I just forgot where I parked it. I don’t know who Al Gore is and now I’m afraid to ask.

Andy

Andy: April, you're like an angel with no wings.
April: So like a person?

No blood orphans. I don't know what that is.

Andy

Parks & Rec Quotes

Sometimes when you make an omelet you've gotta break a few eggs. What's the alternative? No omelets at all? Who wants to live in that kind of world? Maybe birds. Then all their babies would live.

Leslie

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!

April