I believe luck is a concept invented by the weak to explain their failures.

Ron

A schlemiel is the guy who spills soup at a fancy party. A schlamazel is the guy he spills it on. Jerry is both the schlemiel and the schlamazel of our office.

Ron

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Don't teach a man to fish, and you feed yourself. He's a grown man. Fishing's not that hard.

Ron

"I guess I kind of hate most things. But I never really seem to hate you. So I want to spend the rest of my life with you, is that cool?"

April

Veganism is the sad result of a morally corrupt mind. Reconsider your life.

Ron

Normally, if given the choice between doing something and doing nothing, I'll do nothing. But I will do something if it helps someone else do nothing. I'd work all night if it meant that nothing got done.

Ron

Zerts are what I call deserts, tray trays are what I call entrees, sandwiches are sammies, sandoozles or Adam Sandlers, air conditioners are cool blaterz with a "z" ... I don't know where that came from. I call cakes big ol' cookies, I call noodles long ass rice, fried chicken is fry fry chicky chick, chicken parmesan is chicky chicky parm parm, chicken caciatore is chicky catch, I call eggs pre-birds or future birds, root beer is super water, tortillas are bean blankets, and I call forks... food rakes!

Tom

Ben: Newspaper headline was "Ice Town costs ice clown his town crown."
Leslie: Yuck.
Ben: They were big into rhymes.

Ron: There's only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk, which is water that's lying about being milk.

Andy: There's an old saying in show business: The show must go wrong. Everything always goes wrong, and you just have to deal with it.

My nana, she used to say the best stuff. No work yourself into a lather. Look where it is and you'll find it. Don't put me in a home. Tell the truth and shame the devil. The devil knows where you're hiding. If you take enough rides with the devil pretty soon he's going to drive. She was really into the devil.

Leslie

If I wanted to bring a large number of deviled eggs, but I didn't want to share them with anyone else, can you guarantee fridge space?

Ron

Parks & Rec Quotes

Just remember every time you look up at the moon, I too will be looking at a moon. Not the same moon, obviously, that’s impossible.

Andy

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!

April