No blood orphans. I don't know what that is.

Andy

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Don't teach a man to fish, and you feed yourself. He's a grown man. Fishing's not that hard.

Ron

Andy: There's an old saying in show business: The show must go wrong. Everything always goes wrong, and you just have to deal with it.

I'm going to type every word I know! Rectangle. America. Megaphone. Monday. Butthole.

Ron

I believe luck is a concept invented by the weak to explain their failures.

Ron

Normally, if given the choice between doing something and doing nothing, I'll do nothing. But I will do something if it helps someone else do nothing. I'd work all night if it meant that nothing got done.

Ron

I have never taken the high road. But I tell other people to, 'cause then there's more room for me on the low road.

Tom

I'm allergic to sushi. Every time I eat more than 80 pieces, I throw up.

Andy

"I guess I kind of hate most things. But I never really seem to hate you. So I want to spend the rest of my life with you, is that cool?"

April

I think we can agree that all wine tastes the same and if you spend any more than 5 dollars on wine, you are very stupid!

April

Veganism is the sad result of a morally corrupt mind. Reconsider your life.

Ron

The less I know about other people's affairs, the happier I am. I'm not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.

Ron

Parks & Rec Quotes

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!

April

Just remember every time you look up at the moon, I too will be looking at a moon. Not the same moon, obviously, that’s impossible.

Andy