I think we can agree that all wine tastes the same and if you spend any more than 5 dollars on wine, you are very stupid!

April

When life gives you lemons make lemonade. I read that one on a can of lemonade. I like to think it applies to life.

Andy

Tom: You went on a vacation and you chose Muncie, Indiana?
Jerry: My wife and I have a timeshare.
Tom: In Muncie?!
Leslie: Tom, Muncie is a lovely city.

A schlemiel is the guy who spills soup at a fancy party. A schlamazel is the guy he spills it on. Jerry is both the schlemiel and the schlamazel of our office.

Ron

Veganism is the sad result of a morally corrupt mind. Reconsider your life.

Ron

Tom: Every song I download has to pass a series of rigorous tests to answer one simple question: is it a banger?

Leslie: The first line, by the way: Oh captain, my captain. Ron Swanson, a swan song. Yeah. It gets better from there!

Leslie: Yellow haired female... likes waffles and news.
Ann: Sexy, well-read blonde... loves the sweeter things in life.
Leslie: Much better.
Ann: Hobbies?
Leslie: Organizing my agenda. Wait, that doesn't sound fun...jammin' on my planner!
Ann: Favorite place?
Leslie: Upstairs there's this mural of wildflowers, and I like to sit on a bench in front of it.
Ann: Really? It could be anywhere in the world: Paris, Hawaii, the Grand Canyon...
Leslie: Nope. Just the bench in front of the mural.
Ann: What about an actual meadow, where wildflowers are?
Leslie: Eww, Ann, I'm scared of bees, mural!
Ann: Okay, what do you think of dogs?
Leslie: Love!
Ann: Cats?
Leslie: Love!
Ann: Fish?
Leslie: Love!
Ann: Turtles?
Leslie: No opinion. They're condescending.
Ann: Describe your ideal man.
Leslie: He's dark and mysterious, and he can sing. And he plays the organ.
Ann: I think you just described the Phantom of the Opera.

Jerry's work is often adequate.

Ron

Is she gonna powder her vagina?

Ben

I'm very glad that you agree with me, but I actually worked really hard on my argument. Is there any way I can still, kind of, yeah?

Leslie

Once again, Pawnee citizens might tolerate/ignore me!

Leslie

Parks & Rec Quotes

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!

April

Just remember every time you look up at the moon, I too will be looking at a moon. Not the same moon, obviously, that’s impossible.

Andy