I believe luck is a concept invented by the weak to explain their failures.

Ron

Ron: There's only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk, which is water that's lying about being milk.

Veganism is the sad result of a morally corrupt mind. Reconsider your life.

Ron

If I wanted to bring a large number of deviled eggs, but I didn't want to share them with anyone else, can you guarantee fridge space?

Ron

I did a little research, and divorce is the number two most stressful event in a person's life. Of course marriage is number seven. So, watch out everyone. It's all bad.

Leslie

I think we can agree that all wine tastes the same and if you spend any more than 5 dollars on wine, you are very stupid!

April

If I keep my body moving, and my mind occupied at all times, I
will avoid falling into a bottomless pit of despair.

Chris

Tom: You went on a vacation and you chose Muncie, Indiana?
Jerry: My wife and I have a timeshare.
Tom: In Muncie?!
Leslie: Tom, Muncie is a lovely city.

I'm allergic to sushi. Every time I eat more than 80 pieces, I throw up.

Andy

Normally, if given the choice between doing something and doing nothing, I'll do nothing. But I will do something if it helps someone else do nothing. I'd work all night if it meant that nothing got done.

Ron

Hello Leslie, how long have you been sleeping with Ben?

Ron

For date of birth, you wrote 'spring time.'

Ann

Parks & Rec Quotes

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!

April

Leslie: Why would anybody ever eat anything besides breakfast food?
Ron: People are idiots, Leslie.