I once forgot to brush my teeth for five weeks. I didn’t actually sell my last car. I just forgot where I parked it. I don’t know who Al Gore is and now I’m afraid to ask.

Andy

Ron: Anne was getting a little chummy. When people get a little too chummy with me I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don't really care about them.
April: That's a really nice move.
Ron: Thank you.
April: You're welcome Lester.

Donna: Oh my God, you are such a sore loser.
Ron: I am not a sore loser. It’s just that I prefer to win and when I don’t, I get furious.

Leslie, I typed your symptoms into the thing up here and it says you could have network connectivity problems.

Andy

Calzones are pointless. They're just pizza that's harder to eat. No one likes them. Good day, sir.

Leslie

I want to treat April like a queen. And queens deserve flowers and massages, chocolate, booze, diamonds, rubies, emeralds, them treasure chests full of scarves, different kinds of lubes that warm up when you rub them on stuff.

Andy

If I wanted to bring a large number of deviled eggs, but I didn't want to share them with anyone else, can you guarantee fridge space?

Ron

I'm going to type every word I know! Rectangle. America. Megaphone. Monday. Butthole.

Ron

April: You know what? I think men are better than women.
Ann: She's kidding.
April: No I'm not. They provide for us and we must obey them because they are our masters.

Craig Middlebrooks. Samantha in the boardroom, Miranda in the bedroom. I know it’s not ideal, but it’s who I am!

Craig

I think the entire government should be privatized. Chuck E. Cheese could run the parks. Everything operated by tokens. Drop in a token, go on the swing set. Drop in another token, take a walk. Drop in a token, look at a duck.

Ron

I want to be president someday, so I have not smoked marijuana. I ate a brownie once. At a party in college. It was kind of indescribable really. I felt like I was floating. It turns out that there wasn't any marijuana in it, it was just an insanely good brownie.

Leslie

Parks & Rec Quotes

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Don't teach a man to fish, and you feed yourself. He's a grown man. Fishing's not that hard.

Ron

Leslie: It is nice to see you again.
Ben: Are you talking to my butt?
Leslie: Yes.