Did I do basketball?


Sir, I formally retract my hug.


And as far as your qualifications, you're Ron Swanson!


"Phenomenon" means to "search a cave."


Can you Photoshop your life with better decisions, Jerry?


It smells like some vomit took a dump in here.


Leslie: Merry congratuchristmas!
Ron: What?

Leslie: Why are you like this?
Jean-Ralphio: Pills, baby!

Andy: You know when you go to the ATM and get money—is there an actual guy that stands there and gives you money?
Ron: No.
Andy: Yeah, those are robots.

All the sushi is made by fish, previously owned by celebrities.


Jessica Wicks! Hey, boo. Are you aging in reverse? 'Cause you look barely legal.


I can't make it to the telethon tonight because I have no interest in being there.


Parks & Rec Quotes

Ron: Indianapolis is home to Charles Mulligan's Steakhouse, the best damn steakhouse in the damn state. I have taken a picture of every steak I've ever eaten there. June 2004: Porterhouse, medium rare, Bearnaise sauce. January 2000: They call this one, The Enforcer. February '96: The steak ribeye. The Whiskey: Lagavulin 16. The lady next to me? A bitch. Specifically, my ex-wife Tammy. OK, this is the first I ever went there. Look at me. Just a kid.

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!