Veganism is the sad result of a morally corrupt mind. Reconsider your life.

Ron

I'm allergic to sushi. Every time I eat more than 80 pieces, I throw up.

Andy

Yo. So I feel like you were mad at me yesterday and I don't know why so I made a list of everything I did and I'm going to try not to do any of them again.

Andy

Donna: Oh my God, you are such a sore loser.
Ron: I am not a sore loser. It’s just that I prefer to win and when I don’t, I get furious.

Was it Putin? Voldemort Putin? Of Russia?

Andy

I once forgot to brush my teeth for five weeks. I didn’t actually sell my last car. I just forgot where I parked it. I don’t know who Al Gore is and now I’m afraid to ask.

Andy

If I wanted to bring a large number of deviled eggs, but I didn't want to share them with anyone else, can you guarantee fridge space?

Ron

Yeah, you're right. I'm not going to fight them-except that I am!

Leslie

Your ambiguous ethnic blend perfectly represents the dream of
the American melting pot.

Leslie

Honestly, you'd look hot naked.

Andy

I want to be president someday, so I have not smoked marijuana. I ate a brownie once. At a party in college. It was kind of indescribable really. I felt like I was floating. It turns out that there wasn't any marijuana in it, it was just an insanely good brownie.

Leslie

I want to treat April like a queen. And queens deserve flowers and massages, chocolate, booze, diamonds, rubies, emeralds, them treasure chests full of scarves, different kinds of lubes that warm up when you rub them on stuff.

Andy

Parks & Rec Quotes

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!

April

Leslie: Why would anybody ever eat anything besides breakfast food?
Ron: People are idiots, Leslie.