I'm a simple man. I like pretty, dark-haired women and breakfast food. But this stock photo I bought at a framing store isn't real. Today I got the real thing. A naked Tammy made me breakfast this morning. I should have taken a picture of it.

Ron

The Gang: Surprise!
Leslie: Oh wow!
Ben: That's what you wanted right? Everyone in the same room, at the same time?
Leslie: I can't believe you. We're all together in the same room. This room. I don't think I could be any happier!
Ben: Wanna bet?
Ann: Hi!
Leslie: Oh Ann's here! Ann's here!

Veganism is the sad result of a morally corrupt mind. Reconsider your life.

Ron

We get to do work worth doing, alongside people we love.

Leslie

A schlemiel is the guy who spills soup at a fancy party. A schlamazel is the guy he spills it on. Jerry is both the schlemiel and the schlamazel of our office.

Ron

His barber, butcher, and lover. I have lost one of them today.

Ron

I once forgot to brush my teeth for five weeks. I didn’t actually sell my last car. I just forgot where I parked it. I don’t know who Al Gore is and now I’m afraid to ask.

Andy

Leslie: Red Vines anyone?
Mr. Wyatt: We're a Twizzlers family.

Encapsulate the spirit of melancholy. Easy. Boom, a sad desk. Boom, sad wall. It's art. Anything is anything.

Ron

She's the worst person I've ever met. I want to travel the world with her.

April

Ben: I'm just gonna sleep on the floor.
Ron: It's called the "ground" when it's outside.

I am 100 percent sure I am 0 percent sure of what to do.

Chris

Parks & Rec Quotes

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!

April

Leslie: Why would anybody ever eat anything besides breakfast food?
Ron: People are idiots, Leslie.