I tried to Photoshop it to make it look like they were happy. It was really hard. Their mouths are so old.

April

Hello Leslie, how long have you been sleeping with Ben?

Ron

I'm awesome at being humble.

Tom

Leslie: See there's more things to look at on the internet other than naked guys Ann.
Ann: What?

Together, as a town, we lost an amount of weight equal to 800 pregnant manatees.

Chris

It's like yoga, except I still get to kill something.

Ron [on fishing]

It's f*cking milk.

Ron

First stop, Motivation Station!

Chris

Leslie: Have you ever seen Monster's Inc?
Ron: No.
Leslie: Damn it Ron! Engage in the culture once.

Well, math is hard.

Leslie

It's my favorite kind of battle. Two men enter. One me leaves!

April

This VIP card gives you exclusive access to the investment opportunity of a lifetime. Where? Multipurpose room F. When? 3 p.m. Dress code? Black tie optional. Just like life.

Tom

Parks & Rec Quotes

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!

April

Andy: From now on, we will be using code names. You can address me as
Eagle One. Ann, code name -- Been There, Don That. April is --
Currently Doing That. Donna is -- It Happened Once in a Dream; Chris,
code name -- If I Had To Pick a Dude. Ben is -- Eagle Two.
Ben: Oh thank God.