I enjoy government functions like I enjoy getting kicked in the nuggets with a steel toed boot. But this hotel always served bacon wrapped shrimp. That's my number one favorite food wrapped around my number three favorite food. I'd go to a banquet in honor of those Somali pirates if they served bacon wrapped shrimp.


In a town as old as Pawnee there's a lot of history in every acre. This wooded area is the site of the murder, actually, of Nathanial Bixby Mark. He was a pioneer who was killed by a tribe of Wamapoke Indians. He traded them a baby for the city that is now Indianapolis. They cut his face off and made it into a dreamcatcher. And they made his legs into rainsticks. That's the great thing about Indians, back then, is they used every part of the pioneer.


When I was in sixth grade, I was voted best dressed by 87 votes. And there were only 63 people in my class.

Leslie Knope

Leslie Knope: So this was built in 1935. It's called Pioneer Hall. And a little trivia: it is one of the first structures in America to ever have locks.

Yes, I'm married. But my wife understands that a good politician has to be appealing to the ladies. The fact that I haven't even gotten close to cheating on her is a disappointment to both of us.


Ron: I like your hairdo, Leslie.
Leslie: Thank you, Ron.
Ron: It's just like my brother's. He's an officer in the Air Force.

Leslie Knope: (Nervously) My mom's here.. My mom's here.. my mom's here..
(stares at the fire alarm)
Leslie Knope: No, I can't do that. That's illegal.

The band has had a few different names over the years. When we started we were Teddy Bear Suicide. But then we changed it to Mouse Rat. Then we were God Hates Figs; Department of Homeland Obscurity; Flames for Flames; Muscle Confusion; Nothing Rhymes With Orange; then Everything Rhymes With Orange; Punch Face Champions; Rad Wagon; Puppy Pendulum; Possum Pendulum; Penis Pendulum; Handrail Suicide; Angel Snack; Just the Tip; Threeskin; Jet Black Pope; we went back to Mouse Rat and now we are Scarecrow Boat. God when I hear myself say "Scarecrow Boat" out loud I kind of hate it.


Wendy: How did Leslie meet her boyfriend?
Tom: She used to read him books at the senior center.
Beth: Wow. How old is he?
Tom: He's 6, but he has Benjamin Button disease.

I'm going to see my mom. She's a big mucky-muck in the county school system. She's my hero. How do I explain her? She's as repected as Mother Theresa; she's as powerful as Stalin and she's as beautiful as Margaret Thatcher.

Leslie Knope

This is my basketball court. I don't want to see any double dribbles. I don't want to see any three second violations.

Ron Swanson

(singing while drunk) Soul Sister, Soul Sister, better get that dough sister! Sweet Lady Marmalarde.

Leslie Knope

Parks & Rec Quotes

Ben: Newspaper headline was "Ice Town costs ice clown his town crown."
Leslie: Yuck.
Ben: They were big into rhymes.

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!