Normally, if given the choice between doing something and doing nothing, I'll do nothing. But I will do something if it helps someone else do nothing. I'd work all night if it meant that nothing got done.

Ron

Ron: Why do people eat anything besides breakfast food?
Leslie: Because people are idiots Ron.

Encapsulate the spirit of melancholy. Easy. Boom, a sad desk. Boom, sad wall. It's art. Anything is anything.

Ron

She's the worst person I've ever met. I want to travel the world with her.

April

The snooker has become the snort!

Leslie

Ben: I'm just gonna sleep on the floor.
Ron: It's called the "ground" when it's outside.

[to Leslie] I'm going to say something and I don't want you to take it the wrong way ... but you are being a huge dork.

Mark

He's just playing hard ball. Let me tell you how it's going to go
down. In a few minutes, we'll walk in there, we'll give him our
demands, and then BAM -- I start crying.

Tom

Leslie: If the world was ending tomorrow I'd want to be with him.
Ron: Well that's significant the problem is the world's not ending tomorrow.

People who buy things are suckers.

Ron

This could be my Hoover Dam.

Leslie

Did anyone notice that there are no women on the gender equality committee?

Amy