I once forgot to brush my teeth for five weeks. I didn’t actually sell my last car. I just forgot where I parked it. I don’t know who Al Gore is and now I’m afraid to ask.


Slowing down is not really my jam.


Gerry: Gale might even call me the "b" word. Bozo.
Donna: Wow, we are very different people.

This comes from your mother’s butt.


Chris: Now how big is the park, exactly?
Leslie: It is .000003 square miles.

Oh, am I wearing an ascot? I didn't notice.


Which of these objects most represents women for this portrait? A pot? Or this deputy director Barbie? Isn't it adorable? She's got a little briefcase, her cell phone.


She's the cold distant mother I never had. I love her.


Tom: Pop quiz. Name the scent.
Ben: Umm Spasm. No, Butterface!

Jerry: Can we at least have corn on the cob?
Ron: No.

Jerry: I was walking Lord Sheldon.
April: Ew, is that code for some kind of weird sex act?
Jerry: Lord Sheldon is my dog. My wife named him.
April: Ew.

Things magazine says it's the next big thing!


Parks & Rec Quotes

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!


Andy: From now on, we will be using code names. You can address me as
Eagle One. Ann, code name -- Been There, Don That. April is --
Currently Doing That. Donna is -- It Happened Once in a Dream; Chris,
code name -- If I Had To Pick a Dude. Ben is -- Eagle Two.
Ben: Oh thank God.