Parks and Recreation

Thursdays 8:30 PM on NBC
Parks and recreation
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OK, so let's, um, talk about your opening remarks. Do you want me to write you a rap? I'll write you a rap. No, you know what? You'll never be able to pull it off. You're too white. How about a show tune or something?

Leslie

Ann: I thought you might like a fresh set of pillows.
April: Are you trying to smother me? Help! The slutty nurse is trying to smother me to death with a pillow!
Ann: OK, nevermind.
April: Stay back, slut.

See, I never promise Leslie anything. That way I never disappoint her. I try to be considerate.

Tom

Look, the worst thing you can do with an important presentation like this is over prepare. So, I think it's best if I go to the spa.

Tom

It's not that I don't trust Ben. It's that I don't have faith in Ben. And also I'm starting to forget who Ben is.

Leslie

Leslie: If I was sick, could I do this?
Ann: What are you doing?
Leslie: Cartwheels. Am I not doing them?
Ann: No.

Leslie, I typed your symptoms into the thing up here and it says you could have network connectivity problems.

Andy

Ann's my doctor. And she's the most beautiful nurse in the world.

Leslie

I took a Claritin and I threw that up. So I took another one. I threw that up. And then I took a third and it stayed down. I'm getting better.

Leslie

Andy: Do I have to tuck my shirt in? Because, honestly, that's kind of a dealbreaker.
Ron: Let it fly.

I need to find someone to fill in for April. Now I know I'm not going to find someone who's both aggressively mean and apathetic. April really is the whole package.

Ron

Ann: How was your run?
Chris: Ended with a five-and-a-half-minute mile. My personal low. I think the pavement in this town is soft.

Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 30 in total

Parks and Recreation Season 3 Episode 2 Quotes

Was I wearing a tiara when I came in here? Because if you happen upon it, would you have Lady Pennyface retrieve it and send it post-hence?

Leslie

J.J.: Sure, anything for my favorite customer.
Leslie: I bet you say that to all the girls.
J.J.: Oh no, no. Actually you are my favorite. You've spent over a thousand dollars last year on waffles alone.