Step two. Lose to your opponent intentionally so they gain confidence. Step two has been completed. Easily. Very easily, Mark is pretty good at pool.

Andy

I love you, Tom. You're my lil' prince. Just want to put you in a little cape and a little hat and just fly you around.

Donna

Jerry: I really wish I could have your body.
Tom: What?
April: Eww, like tied up naked in your basement?
Jerry: No, no I mean you're in good shape and you can eat whatever you want.
Leslie: That was weird, Jerry.

Andy: No, I just figured because, uh, pool's all about angles and he's a failed architect that he might want to play pool.
Mark: Let's do it.
Ann: Really? That worked?

Waiter: How do you want that cooked?
Leslie: Medium roar.
Waiter: Medium rare?
Leslie: No. Medium roar.
Waiter: For legal reasons we're not allowed to make puns about the temperature of the meats anymore.

Oh, uh, also, Mark. Again, we don't have those extra small condoms you ordered. I called the factory, i''s going to take a special order. Not just because of the size, but because of the weird shape as well. Something they've never dealt with before.

Andy

Hey, Mark. The shoe shine stand still doesn't have that syphilis medication you were asking about.

Andy

Ron: This seems like none of our business.
Leslie: Be supportive, OK? Don't be all like, "No. I don't want to. I am a guy and I like fire, and playing hockey and eating meat. No, no says I."
April: That was a really good Ron.
Leslie: Thank you.

That is the problem. Tom always seems like "Mr. Slick Too Cool Guy," but he's actually hiding his emotions underneath a very thick layer of Axe body spray.

Leslie

I did a little research, and divorce is the number two most stressful event in a person's life. Of course marriage is number seven. So, watch out everyone. It's all bad.

Leslie

I've seen you look at her ass when she leaves the room. You love her.

Leslie

Tom: Honestly, it's fine. It lasted longer than Avril Lavigne and the guy from Sum 41, am I right?
Leslie: I don't know what those are.

Parks & Rec Quotes

Leslie: I know you're not gay.
Tom: No, I'm not.
Leslie: But you're effeminate.
Tom: What?
Leslie: Well, you're wearing a peach shirt with a coiled snake on it.
Tom: That's because it was featured in Details magazine, and it's awesome.

Look, Tammy and I don't work. We are oil and water. Or oil and TNT and C4 and a detonator and a butane torch.

Ron