Yeah, I've been a little down. Totally natural. I'm getting a divorce. But now I'm ready to pull myself up by some G-strings.


Leslie: OK, Tom. Go put these in places I do not approve of.
Tom: Leslie, I'm gonna put these in places you've never heard of.

There is a girl here that also works at Quiznos. She's really nice to me here, but really mean to me at Quiznos.


OK, lap dances are on me. I mean I'm paying for them. They're not gonna actually be on me.


I'm a feminist, OK? I would never ever go to a strip club. I've gone on record that if I had to have a stripper's name, it would be Equality. But I'm willing to sacrifice all that I've worked for just to put a smile on your perverted little face.

Leslie [to Tom]

April: I want to go to The Glitter Factory.
Leslie: Well, drop out of school and start doing meth.

Leslie: We are going to The Glitter Factory.
Tom: What?
Donna: Not me. I can't go back there. But if you see Jasmine tell her she can keep Anfernee, but I want my microwave back.

Tom: She's a tall, beautiful surgeon. I'm a short, beautiful government employee slash club promoter.
Leslie: You're a club promoter?
Tom: Aspiring.

Mark: You have nothing else to give me.
Andy: I have a T-shirt I tackled Eddie Vedder in. It's literally priceless.

Looking at her, I feel like she might be the perfect spooning size for me.

Ron [about Wendy]

Step two. Lose to your opponent intentionally so they gain confidence. Step two has been completed. Easily. Very easily, Mark is pretty good at pool.


I love you, Tom. You're my lil' prince. Just want to put you in a little cape and a little hat and just fly you around.


Parks and Recreation Season 2 Quotes

Andy: There's an old saying in show business: The show must go wrong. Everything always goes wrong, and you just have to deal with it.

I've seen you look at her ass when she leaves the room. You love her.