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Jerry: I really wish I could have your body.
Tom: What?
April: Eww, like tied up naked in your basement?
Jerry: No, no I mean you're in good shape and you can eat whatever you want.
Leslie: That was weird, Jerry.

Andy: No, I just figured because, uh, pool's all about angles and he's a failed architect that he might want to play pool.
Mark: Let's do it.
Ann: Really? That worked?

Waiter: How do you want that cooked?
Leslie: Medium roar.
Waiter: Medium rare?
Leslie: No. Medium roar.
Waiter: For legal reasons we're not allowed to make puns about the temperature of the meats anymore.

Oh, uh, also, Mark. Again, we don't have those extra small condoms you ordered. I called the factory, i''s going to take a special order. Not just because of the size, but because of the weird shape as well. Something they've never dealt with before.

Andy

Hey, Mark. The shoe shine stand still doesn't have that syphilis medication you were asking about.

Andy

Ron: This seems like none of our business.
Leslie: Be supportive, OK? Don't be all like, "No. I don't want to. I am a guy and I like fire, and playing hockey and eating meat. No, no says I."
April: That was a really good Ron.
Leslie: Thank you.

That is the problem. Tom always seems like "Mr. Slick Too Cool Guy," but he's actually hiding his emotions underneath a very thick layer of Axe body spray.

Leslie

I did a little research, and divorce is the number two most stressful event in a person's life. Of course marriage is number seven. So, watch out everyone. It's all bad.

Leslie

I've seen you look at her ass when she leaves the room. You love her.

Leslie

Tom: Honestly, it's fine. It lasted longer than Avril Lavigne and the guy from Sum 41, am I right?
Leslie: I don't know what those are.

They'll only talk to you or me. And I can't go, because I don't want to.

Ron

They put a popcorn machine up there just to brighten things up, but they used the wrong kind of oil and a bunch of people had to get their throats replaced.

Leslie
Displaying quotes 325 - 336 of 508 in total

Parks and Recreation Season 2 Quotes

April is the best, but she's 20. When April was born I was already in third grade, which means if we were friends back then I would have been hanging out with a baby. I don't know anything about infant care. Oh my god I could have killed her.

Andy

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Don't teach a man to fish, and you feed yourself. He's a grown man. Fishing's not that hard.

Ron
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