Rose: All this personal growth stuff is stressful.. it's hard figuring out who you want to be
Sage: Frankly I don't know why we started trying. Things were a lot easier when we just shopped... I blame Megan
Sage: Totally

I don't know if I'm ever gonna be the type of guy that can go number two in the woods

Zach

I don't need bullets points to make people agree with me, I have a black AMEX card for that

Sage

Rose [taking out knife]: This is a survival kit
Megan: Oh i'm gonna hate this story, aren't it?
Rose: You know how I moved in to my own room about a month ago after I found out you guys all lied to me about different stuff?
Megan: You decided to kill us and leave our bodies in the woods?
Rose: Wow, that's super dark megan

Megan: Some might say she's single handedly revitalizing the economy with her shopping addiction
Rami: Some might ask you to take that silver lining and hang me with it

I did the math and it turns out Smirnoff vanilla vodka is cheaper than artificial insemination

Keith

Marco: Waiting for a distraction is not a plan
Megan: Well it's less fattening than your turtle plan

Rose: I think you're way overreacting
Sage: Umm.. you're obsessing over a fat girl from spacecamp and I'm overreacting? My guy is a religious zealot!
Rose: He goes to church
Sage: Zealot
Rose: That does not make him a zealot...
Sage: Come on, you've seen The Da Vinci Code. What if he's the albino and flogs himself?

Owe! You're unusually strong for a little person

Charlie [to Megan]

You play and sweet and adorable but the truth is you're completely selfish. You're the worst kind of bad person cause you think your good but you're not. You're not a good person at all

Mandy [to Megan]

Megan [about Charlie]: When all is said and done, he's my best friend in the whole world and I have to say goodbye
Will: And what I'm saying is you've already kissed your best friend goodbye

Rose [about Luis]: What if he started avoiding you after you told him you never had sex before?
Sage: I would hate him.
Rose: Exactly. Almost as much as I hate emo

Privileged Quotes

Boss [about Megan's hair]: It's just so bright
Megan: Everyone loves Lucille Ball but no one does anything about it.
Boss: This isn't about the hair, though it is really distracting...

Hey lady, i can see your va-jay-jay!

Random kid