If you haven't learned that Mickey always draws a shit hand, that's on you.

Thank you, Ray. Boy. What a freak show that was. Has that chick ever heard of Invisalign?


Mrs. Minassian, my father's a dipshit, he's always been a dipshit. Unfortunately there's nothing I can do about that. What I can do is offer to pay you back for any inconvenience he may have caused you.

Mickey: I ain't fuckin' senile.
Ray: Fine. You're not senile. Go tell Joe Friday out there you want to wear a wire and get your brains blown out in Long Beach.
Mickey: You could say I get confused from time to time.

Why couldn't you just play fuckin' bingo like a normal old man?

Mickey: They ain't gonna believe I'm senile, Ray.
Ray: Really? I don't think it's such a big stretch.
Mickey: Fuck you.

You are a worthwhile human being. You have a healthy appetite for sex. You are beautiful. You are a flawed man.


Old Lady: Isn't that just sad? I hope he's not driving.
Abby: He's got Parkinson's, you fucking cunt.
Terry: It's good to have a Southie bitch on your side.
Abby: It's good to have the opportunity to be one.
Terry: That's the way, uh huh uh huh I like it, uh huh uh huh.

Terry: We can't take communion.
Ray: It's a fuckin' cracker.

Bridget: Admit you're attracted to me
Mr. Donellen: I am. Attracted to you. [Bridget kisses him.]

Ray: It's not your wedding present.
Bunch: [looks at the check] No? What'd you get me?
Ray: A standing mixer.
Bunch: What the fuck is that?
Ray: Kitchen shit. Abby picked it out.
Bunch: Thank you, Ray.
Ray: Congratulations.

Lady Cop: You want to trade your brother for your dad?
Ray: Any day of the fuckin' week.

Ray Donovan Quotes

Mickey: I got a good one for ya.
Bunchy: Dad, don't.
Stan: It's alright.
Mickey: What's the difference between acne and a priest? Acne waits until a boy's 14 to come on his face.

Abby: I walked into your son's bedroom this mornin', and he was watchin' porn and fuckin' his own bed.
Ray: I don't know what the hell you're talkin' about.
Abby: Your son Conor stuck his teenage dick between his box spring and his mattress and fucked his own bed.