Favorite Royal Pains Quotes
Divya: (talking to Evan on the phone) Just soak some hot towels in household vinegar. Apply the compress for 20 minutes two to four times a day. You'll all be fine by next week, although you'll still be an idiot. (hangs up the phone)
Hank: You'd make a great older brother.
Jill: So you and your brother seem pretty different.
Hank: On a good day, very different.
Evan: 1986 called. It wants its shorts back.
Hank: (wearing short shorts) I missed laundry day this week. Cut me some slack.
(Hank runs into Jill in the street with gourmet coffee)
Hank: Is the, uh, hospital coffee really that bad?
Jill: Oh, officially speaking? No, it's delicious. But off the record...
Hank: You could remove nail polish with it.
Evan: Uh, have fun at Sunday brunch, by the way.
Hank: Aww, you're bitter about Hankapalooza.
Evan: No. No, I'm not bitter. Not at all, man. Hank-o-rama. Hankstock!
Hank: Stop doing bad things to my name.
(after Divya asks Evan to translate her words to Valentina)
Divya: Valentina may have TB.
Evan: I'm not getting a disease. Are you kidding me? Especially one I didn't have any fun catching.
(toasting at the restaurant)
Hank: To Allison.
Divya: To Valentina.
Evan: And to two more checks in the mail.
(trying to communicate with a chef who only speaks Italian)
Divya: Tell her it won't take long.
Evan: (in very bad Italian) The clock, it will not last long.
Call me Ishmael! Call me the Rainmaker! Call me...the proudest brother on Earth.
Evan
Rob: So you are our last-minute compromise.
Hank: I've been called worse.
Evan: At HankMed, we aim to compromise, so that's great.
Rob: That's the worst business mantra I've ever heard.
Sam: Aunt Claire, we're memorizing our audition song.
Maddie: Yeah, we're gonna win the American Idols.
Evan: Oh no, it's American Idol, kids.
Sam & Maddie: Not for us!
Will: You're a good nanny, Steven.
Evan: I'm a manny, and it's Kevin. (realizes mistake) Evan.
