Royal Pains

Royal Pains "Pilot" Quotes

Evan: You kind of look like Jesus and Patrick Dempsey had a child and that child grew older and got really sick.
 • Rating: Unrated

Evan: It smells like a moose had sex with a bucket of Chinese food in here.
 • Rating: Unrated

Evan: I love ya.
Hank: Like you.
 • Rating: Unrated

Boris: Life isn't always simple.
Hank: But death is.
 • Rating: Unrated

Hank: I need a bottle of vodka, a very sharp, pointed knife, uh, a Bic pen, a sandwich baggie and some duct tape.
Libby: Sandwich baggie, duct tape. Who are you? MacGyver?
 • Rating: Unrated

April: For the first time in my life, I may actually be in love with a guy and you want me to just relay that info to him through his half-nude, number-crunching, little brother? It's just a bit awkward, don't you think?
Evan: I think... Yeah, that would be a hundred percent socially unacceptable.
 • Rating: Unrated

Tucker: Yeah, dude. Don't punk the crackberry. She'll light your ass up like a Christmas tree.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Evan: Note to self, become a doctor.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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