Royal Pains Quotes
Oh well, some days I have the mo. Some days I have the jo. And some days, I even put them together.
Zach Kingsley
Anyone else dropping by? Some huddled masses? Fagin's gang of street urchins perhaps?
Evan
(about Evan) There's no stopping him when he's like this. The bylaws for our treehouse were 8 pages long...and it was an imaginary treehouse.
Hank
Hank: Look, the good news is the IV catheter's already in, so I just have to switch bags.
Zach Kingsley: And the bad news is now I'll be lame. Kids hate lame, Hank.
Hank: So you'd let your course of treatment be dictated by people who are three feet tall and eat paste for fun?
Julie Kingsley: (to her husband) Cut veggies, tea, and a Hank are no substitute for a hospital.
Hank: The Hank tried to tell him that.
Alan Rider: So what are you gonna check for now?
Divya: Epididymitis or testicular orchitis.
Alan Rider: Uh, neither of those sounds any good.
Divya: I don't name them. I just treat them.
Zach Kingsley: I can't afford to play Russian roulette with our livelihood.
Hank: Well, you're playing Russian roulette with your life.
Divya: Will that be sufficient?
Alan Rider: Delightful. On behalf of me and my genitals, thank you.
Divya: People pay to be treated, not coddled. And I don't give a tinker's curse for your marketing drivel.
Evan: I can't debate you if you talk gibberish that sounds kind of like something a chimney sweep from Mary Poppins would say, but you can't cure him unless you win his trust first.
Alan Rider: You said your business is discreet?
Evan: Oh, yeah. HankMed invented discretion, man. We're just, you know, too discreet to publicize it.
(to Evan) Be quiet. Be professional. Be-have. But mostly be quiet.
Divya
(Katie earlier referred to Hank as "M.S.G.")
Hank: What's an M.S.G.?
Evan: Medical super god.
Hank: Oh, alright.
Evan: Miniature sex gimp. Mumbling snow gerbil.
(Much later, Evan's still guessing what it means.)
Evan: Macho surfing guru, right? No? Mucus spewing growth.
(Still, much later...)
Evan: Medieval slut gatherer. Man seeking guacamole. Manatee...
