Divya: You want to do the spinal tap tonight?
Hank: And that's not all I want to do. There may be only one way to get to the bottom of this immediately.
(Divya and Evan at the same time)
Divya: MRI?
Evan: Exorcism?

Evan: So that's a long island iced tea.
Amy: House specialty. I make them every day for family cocktail hour.
Evan: Really?
Zoey: Apparently, spirits calm the spirits.

Zoey: My sister's a little off-center sometimes.
Hank: Oh, I know how you feel. My brother couldn't find the center with a GPS Device.

Amy: Someone close to you. Someone who looks like you. Someone with a letter 'R.'
Hank: My brother. Evan R. Lawson?
Amy: He's getting himself into trouble.
Hank: Sorry, Amy, you don't need a gift to sense that one.

Amy: Do you have any idea what it's like to be given way more responsibility than you ever asked for? Way more than you ever deserved?
Hank: When I was 12, my mom got sick. My dad, he lost all our money in the stock market, couldn't afford to take care of her. So he gave up, on her, on us and he left. And then our mom died. I know exactly what it's like. Being the older sibling one day and then feeling like a parent the next. You do anything you can to protect the only thing you have left.

(to Hank and Evan) Anyway, I am so glad that you both came...'cause I may need you to stand by with a getaway vehicle.

Divya

So do you think I'm gonna turn into, like, a, an old school Bela Lugosi type or maybe, like, a hip, sexy Twilight vampire with like the (puckers lips and makes kissy face) and, like, the cool hair or what?

Evan

Evan: If I got bit by a bat, what's gonna happen to me?
Hank: All right. Worst case scenario, you die. Best case scenario, you become immortal.

Zoey: Remember when I said I was too afraid to go see a doctor?
Hank: Yeah.
Zoey: If I'd known there was a doctor out there like you, I might've found the courage.

Hank: Just know that Evan and I are here to stay, and there's always, always a place for you here with Hankmed, no matter what.
Divya: Well, I appreciate that. And I'll let you know what my future holds, as soon as my parents decide it for me.
Evan: Well, maybe negotiations will still fall apart last minute. Maybe your dad'll raise the dowry to five goats and a donkey and Raj'll call it a deal-breaker.
Divya: Hmm. Maybe you're the donkey.

(Hank about to meet the people who fired him)
Jill: Just talk to them human being to human being.
Hank: I would, I'm just not sure they are human beings.

Divya: Hank, this is Kylie.
Kylie: I'm the disgruntled mistress.
Hank: Hello. Nice to meet you.
Kylie: It's 'cause I didn't go to college and I hate retail.

Royal Pains Quotes

Yeah, dude. Don't punk the crackberry. She'll light your ass up like a Christmas tree.

Tucker

Note to self, become a doctor.

Evan