Favorite Scrubs Quotes
Julie: Hello, boys and girl! So, how's the food?
Todd: Mmm.
Turk: Free!
Julie: And how are you, Dr. Cox?
(She leans over, practically spilling her breasts out of her top)
Dr. Cox: Look, I'm just here to enjoy my meal, so unless those things dispense A-1 sauce, I'd keep movin'.
J.D.: All right, so you promise me you're gonna be more careful, right?
Mike: Look, dude, the only way to feel alive is to push the limits once in a while. You know?
J.D.: Well... Keep it real!
Mike: Oh, God. See ya, geek!
J.D.: Buy a cup!
Julie: Why does it have to be like this every time I come here? I mean, what is your problem with me?
Dr. Cox: Okay. Well, for starters, everyone here knows that you sell pills, and yet you use phrases like "take orally" and "increases blood flow" way, way too much. I mean, jeepers, Julie, don't you understand you got half the doctors on this staff believing that if they go ahead and join team Plomox, that they got an outside shot of you showing them the cotton inside your bottle? Would you like to know the real dirty, dirty little secret? It's that your drug is so damn good that you guys went ahead and put a six-hundred percent mark-up on it. But, hey, the only ones who get hurt are the sick people, right? And since your company damn-sure doesn't care about them, and you're part of the system, that just means you don't care, either. And that's... pretty much what's making me sick; that's all.
Julie: Well, you can say what you want, Perry. But we both know that you'd love nothing more than to smack this fine ass.
Julie: So, how's the guest list for tonight's steak dinner shaping up?
Dr. Cox: Well, now, I don't have any definitive confirmations yet, but, admittedly, that could be because I haven't asked anyone.
Dr. Kelso: So, Mr. Brooks is doing peachy, huh?
Carla: Peachy-keen.
Dr. Kelso: Great. Great! A patient's improvement is always cause for celebration here at Sacred Heart. And yet, for some reason, I'm not wearing a party hat, sitting bare-ass on the hospital's copier machine. You know why? It's not because I have the name Johnny tattooed on my butt - he's an old sailor buddy, and if you went through what we did, you'd understand.
Elliot: J.D., look, even though I decided to send Mrs. Kahn to surgery, I know that you were just trying to help me in your own...sucky way. And... I over-reacted, and that's something I've been working on in therapy to not do as much.
J.D.: But, I still think you should have gone with my "wait and see" approach.
Elliot: Well, you're not the boss of me!
Turk: That's not all! You'll use that bus pass for an all expense paid trip to... Nurse Practitioner School! Where you'll learn how to be more than just a nurse!
Carla: "Just" a nurse?
Turk: Did I say "just a nurse"? I meant "a nurse"! Honey, you were complaining about having to ask Dr. Wilder for permission just to feed a patient. And this way, you'll have more responsibility, plus you'll make more money; so, I thought that-
Carla: You thought that the only reason I've been doing my job for the last eight years is because someone didn't come along to hand me a brochure?
Turk: And a bus pass?
Carla: Why would you get me a present?
Turk: Why does it need to be a birthday or an anniversary for me to get my baby a little somesing-somesing.
Carla: Ahhh. Plus, you figure you'd get yourself a little at work "somesing-somesing."
Turk: I'll get the door!
J.D.: Dr. Cox, I hate to bring it up again, but it seems important... Julie likes our tushies.
Dr. Cox: Newbie, any doctor with even a shred of self-respect wouldn't give that woman the time of day.
Dr. Kelso: Oh, Julie!
Dr. Cox: Well, well. If it isn't the Captain and Tennille of the underworld.
Elliot: I can't figure out what to do about Mrs. Kahn. I don't know if I should send her to surgery?
J.D.: Well, don't send her to surgery. I'll tell you what you do: You wait and see. And I know I'm right, 'cause I'm a "wait and see" kind of guy. You know, Elliot, in modern medicine, we're faced with tough decisions almost every day-
Elliot: You are amazing!
J.D.: Well, amazing is sort of a strong word... I just show up and let the Lord work through me.
Todd: Why won't any women talk to me?
Nurse: Because you're slimy. And you turn everything into a double entendre.
Todd: Not true!
Turk: Go ahead.
Todd: I'd like to double her entendre!
Janitor: Permission to speak, sir?
J.D.: You know what, no. No, you may not speak - not now, and not ever, okay? You have overplayed your hand and you may never talk to me again. Those are the rules of the game.
Janitor: Then I quit.
J.D.: No, no, no, no! No quitsies! Check-mate, Gin, and Yahtzee, my friend.
Janitor: You know, my son used to love to play Yahtzee with me, until you made me skip his play. Now he won't eat!
J.D.: We've started a new game now, haven't we.
Janitor: Yeah. It's called, You don't eat until Timmy does.
