Scrubs

Scrubs "My Brother, My Keeper" Quotes

Elliot: Dr. Cox, you're a waxer?!
Dr. Cox: Hark! It is the high-pitched wobble of the Nosey Nelly. You don't see many of those flitting around these halls anymore because, quite frankly, when one does, one shoots to kill. Now bar-bie, Jordan is here for her ultrasound today and I'm going to be holding her claw the entire time so, what you've just done is essentially volunteered to do all of your work and all of mine. And if you'll step right this way I be more than glad to tell you more about you've won.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Cox: Alrighty there doctor leverage 'cause here's the real inside scoop. I could literally sculpt a gigantic Mr. Burnett after what I just removed from Mr. Burnett. So I really think its in your best interest for you to start talking. Should I get the child a baseball glove or a tutu?
Elliot: Well, girls can play baseball too.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Cox: Jordan, be reasonable. If you're incubating some kind of man-bat in there, we should find out about it as soon as possible - there are vaccinations to consider.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Kelso: No offense, sport. Don't think I have anything against ugly people.
J.D.: Why would I take offense to that?
Dr. Kelso: No reason.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Kelso: There he is!
Dr. Townshend: Missed you on our morning jog, Bobby. What is that now, about two hundred days in a row?
Dr. Kelso: You're a pistol!
J.D.: The only place this guy's running to is to a bakery! Who's got me up high?
Dr. Kelso: Ehhh.
Dr. Townshend: Uh, mistake you made there, J.D.: You didn't pat his belly - it soothes him.
J.D.: Ahhh. Dammit.
 • Rating: Unrated

Carla: It's so beautiful.
Turk: Yeah, well, you know, I woulda showed it to you before you left, but, uh... I couldn't get to it. And that is a long story.
Carla: I want to thank you for not pressuring me. I mean, don't get me wrong, you left me like forty messages in five days; but... I know you - if you weren't holding back, it woulda been like a hundred and forty.
Turk: I do love the speed dial!
 • Rating: Unrated

J.D.: I still can't believe I power-walked 'butt-naked' through the halls of the hospital last night.
Turk: My man, I know that wasn't you.
J.D.: How?
Turk: I'm not really proud of this, but I can pick your puff-'n'-stuff out of a line-up.
J.D.: Oh, it changed since you saw it - it got a haircut.
Turk: Yeah.
 • Rating: Unrated

J.D.: That was good, Kevin! We should-we should make him, like, make dinner for us tonight. He could be our own personal slave!
Kevin: Our own personal what, now?
J.D.: Oh, no, I don-I don't mean like that kind of slave.
Kevin: Well, how 'bout this: How 'bout he be the house slave, and I be the field slave. That sound like fun to you?
J.D.: That-that wouldn't be fun...
Turk: What's going on?
Kevin: I forgot how much fun it was messing with Alfalfa!
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Cox: No, honey, the reason we're late is that you took forever to get ready. That's what happens when you're vain!
Jordan: Whatever you say, Mr. Yesterday I Had Chest-hair, Today I Suddenly Don't.
 • Rating: Unrated

J.D.'s Narration: What Carla didn't know was that Turk was using his brother as a selling point. Because no one said "family" more than Kevin Turk.
Turk: Baby.
Carla: Yeah?
Turk: Check out my bother's kids.
Carla: Awwwwww... They're adorable!
Turk: How's that great marriage of yours, man?
Kevin: Over.
J.D.'s Narration: Oh, no.
Turk: Say what?
Kevin: I couldn't take it anymore. I had to get the hell out of there!
Carla: Get the hell out of there?
J.D.'s Narration: Oh, my God! Do something to change the subject! Anything!
J.D.: Everybody! Soda chugging contest!
 • Rating: Unrated

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