Scrubs Season 5 Episode 3: "My Day at the Races" Quotes
Turk: This is great. I'm being assisted by a magician.
Carla: The only way you're gonna get through this is if you believe it's gonna work.
Turk: Uh-huh.
(He pinches her on the arm.)
Carla: OW!
Turk: That was just a fingernail, honey! How would you like it if I cut out your appendix?!
Carla: Let's forget for one second that hypnosis is used to lower bleeding, aid recovery, or help patients deal with pain. You are married now. So start believing what I tell you to believe! And DON'T PINCH ME!
Elliot: Why don't you just try a higher gear?
J.D.: It's like pedaling in hummus!
J.D.: Talking to you about Jake violates the two most important tenants of our relationship. One: Keep discussion superficial. And Two: No talking while my boys are straddling chrome. That one's new.
Kathy: I've been dating this guy for a few weeks, but I just found out that he went on a gay cruise last month.
Carla: Probably a cheap trick. Marry him, the four of us'll have dinner.
Kathy: But he also said he might be gay!
Carla: Dinner!
Elliot: Can I talk to you about Jake?
J.D.: It's a dangerous topic. Talk to Carla.
Elliot: Yeah, anytime I talk to Carla about a guy, she tells me to marry him so the four of us can go to dinner together.
Carla: Turk! Turk, where are you going?
Turk: Honey, I can't do this. I don't believe in any of this hypnotism crap. I only needed to impress Kelso.
Carla: Oh, so great, you lied to me.
Turk: I'm about to ruin my career by plunging a knife into a completely conscious person! But you know what, you're absolutely right - let's focus on the lying.
J.D.: Why is everybody wearing wetsuits?
Doug: This water's like forty-nine degrees, dumb-dumb!
Dr. Cox: There's a, uh, triathlon tomorrow. Thing One and Thing Two have been training vigorously for it.
Doug: We're working on our drafting technique!
Dr. Cox: If your goal is to repel all women on the planet, then it's definitely working.
Elliot: Okay! How about opening up sexually? What's your wildest fantasy?
Jake: Yeah... it's not happening.
Elliot: Come on! Sometimes in bed, I feel like I'm the only one screamin'!
Jake: Elliot, you're quiet as a mouse - all the screaming is in your head.
Elliot: Yeah, but in there, it's crazy...
See, there are numerous skilled surgeons here at Sacred Fart - (laughs) did you see the sign? Though there will be no vandalism here, people!... It was classic!
Dr. Kelso
Turk: Dr. Kelso! Do you have any idea who's gonna get those three attending spots next year?
Dr. Kelso: There are four spots for next year.
Turk: Three if you're not counting the one going to me!
Dr. Kelso: I'm gonna stick with four, Turkleton.
