Scrubs Season 5 Episode 3: "My Day at the Races" Quotes
As for me, I could overcome any obstacle, as long as I had Elliot and her ridiculously strong thighs beneath me.
J.D.'s Narration
Carla: Oh, you don't know anything about triathlons!
J.D.: Well, I didn't know anything about cereal inventing, either, Carla. And yet if it wasn't for a certain harshly-worded cease and desist letter, we'd all be eating J.D.'s Bananas & Nuts.
J.D.: Carla, at 6:41 tomorrow evening, I turn thirty. I have to find one thing on this list I can do by then.
Dr. Cox: Maybe you could swing by our parts department and pick up a pair of testes?
J.D.: Haven't you used that joke like a trillion times?
Dr. Cox: I'm okay with it.
Uh, I'm not exactly religious, you know, but I-I do think that God watches after my family and...well, my favorite sports teams. Oh, and once in tenth grade, He made Jennifer Martin sleep with me.
Jake
Dr. Kelso: Well, it's about time. Hell's bells, son, when I say the name Turkleton, people laugh!
Turk: Maybe because that's not my name.
Dr. Kelso: Not yet, Turkleton! Not yet.
Elliot, maybe you should be the one to open Jake up? You know like Turk can be a little...immature - you know, like I always have to talk about my feelings over dinner or shut off his iPod during sex.
Carla
Dr. Cox: Jordan, here's the plan: I'm gonna go ahead and cram an entire evening's worth of drinking into the next five minutes. Now, you just make sure not to engage them. Be particularly aware of the blonde talky one - I've worked with her before - she has no off button.
Turkleton, this is quite the event here at Sacred Fart. I can't help it, it kills me! Yeah, we got visiting doctors, video crews, even that Japanese news anchor who slept with me when I convinced her I was an oil tycoon. If she comes over here, my name is T-Bone!
Dr. Kelso
Elliot: Why don't you just move into my place?
J.D.: Oh, great, then we'll be two losers under one roof.
Elliot: J.D., what you said before...I knew you were right. Anyway, I'm sorry I got mad. You were wrong about one thing, though - we are moving forward.
J.D.: Elliot, I'm thirty years old; I'm single, I'm homeless, and I'm pretty sure I just soiled myself.
J.D.: Well, if he freaked you out, why don't you go talk to him?
Elliot: I don't know! You tell me.
J.D.: All right, fine, Elliot. You wanna know why? You're just like me. You're scared because you feel like you haven't accomplished anything with your life. But instead of running a triathlon, you're pushing forward with a guy you don't belong with. And you know as well as I do, one of these days he's gonna open up a bottle of white wine for you when you really prefer red, except you never told him that; and you wanna know why? It's because he's not right for you, Elliot. Are you happy now?
Elliot: You're pretty smart for a guy running in bike shoes.
Elliot: This Jake thing is still really bothering me.
J.D.: Elliot, you know our rules.
Elliot: Yeah, I've been thinking about that. Who wants to have a superficial friendship? I mean, God, do you remember how close we used to be? Dealing with Dr. Cox, dealing with our screwed-up families, talking about everything? I miss that.
J.D.: This is working.
Elliot: Not for me! I wanna be able to tell you that my boyfriend really freaked me out.
