When Carla dies heaven is going to suck!

J.D.'s narration

When you disrespect someone, and they in turn burn your ass, you must RECOGNIZE!

Ed

(to George) We fight death for a living every single day. We can't let it know we're afraid of it, or it'll kick our ass.

J.D.

Denise: Meet me in the on-call room, pants down, lights off.
Chubby Guy: I just wanna say I am so psyched that you called me back.
Denise: No! No talking. And if you touch me too much, God help me, I will head-butt you again.
Chubby Guy: (whispers) I love you.

Hey, Mr. Valentine. I re-did your will on a computer. And to make it less depressing, I used a fun font.

Ted

(to Dr. Maddox) Can we go? Cougars only drink free 'til nine.

Jordan

J.D.: I didn't play sports, per se, George, I was the mascot for the girls' volleyball team.
George: Really? Wear a costume?
J.D.: Oh, great costume. I wore a bandanna and a half-shirt. At away games I wore spurs, which, in retrospect, is sort of weird 'cause we weren't The Cowboys.

George: So what happened to dinner?
J.D.'s narration: We didn't want George to feel he was a burden, so we had to come up with a great excuse.
Turk: Giant oak tree fell on the restaurant.

Dr. Maddox: I'm the Chief of Medicine.
Jordan: I'm the chief of slag-smacking, so I'd keep moving if I were you.

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