Scrubs

Scrubs "My Last Words" Quotes

Turk: Who behaves that way at a mini mart?
J.D.: I'm sorry Turk, but when I put that single beer down on the counter and that 18-year-old checkout kid is like, "Oh, big night?" it just pissed me off, you know. I mean, who is he to judge us? He needs to know we're not two lame-o's with nothing going on.
Turk: So that's why you bought the box of condoms and the flare gun.
J.D.: Exactly. Now whenever he thinks of us he'll picture us splitting a beer, sexing up the ladies, and shooting off flares. You know, like men do!
Turk: That does sound pretty awesome.
J.D.: I knew you'd come around.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

J.D.: I need you to connect with your patients, okay? If they need some sympathy, dig down in your soul and find some.
Denise: Yo, Mr. Harris! Sucks you'll never walk again.
Mr. Harris: Hell yeah, it does!
Denise: Better, right?
J.D.: No, no, Jo. He...he lost his feet.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Maddox: I'm the Chief of Medicine.
Jordan: I'm the chief of slag-smacking, so I'd keep moving if I were you.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

George: So what happened to dinner?
J.D.'s narration: We didn't want George to feel he was a burden, so we had to come up with a great excuse.
Turk: Giant oak tree fell on the restaurant.
 • Rating: Unrated

J.D.: I didn't play sports, per se, George, I was the mascot for the girls' volleyball team.
George: Really? Wear a costume?
J.D.: Oh, great costume. I wore a bandanna and a half-shirt. At away games I wore spurs, which, in retrospect, is sort of weird 'cause we weren't The Cowboys.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jordan: (to Dr. Maddox) Can we go? Cougars only drink free 'til nine.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ted: Hey, Mr. Valentine. I re-did your will on a computer. And to make it less depressing, I used a fun font.
 • Rating: Unrated

Denise: Meet me in the on-call room, pants down, lights off.
Chubby Guy: I just wanna say I am so psyched that you called me back.
Denise: No! No talking. And if you touch me too much, God help me, I will head-butt you again.
Chubby Guy: (whispers) I love you.
 • Rating: Unrated

J.D.: (to George) We fight death for a living every single day. We can't let it know we're afraid of it, or it'll kick our ass.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Ed: When you disrespect someone, and they in turn burn your ass, you must RECOGNIZE!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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