When Carla dies heaven is going to suck!

J.D.'s narration

When you disrespect someone, and they in turn burn your ass, you must RECOGNIZE!


(to George) We fight death for a living every single day. We can't let it know we're afraid of it, or it'll kick our ass.


Denise: Meet me in the on-call room, pants down, lights off.
Chubby Guy: I just wanna say I am so psyched that you called me back.
Denise: No! No talking. And if you touch me too much, God help me, I will head-butt you again.
Chubby Guy: (whispers) I love you.

Hey, Mr. Valentine. I re-did your will on a computer. And to make it less depressing, I used a fun font.


(to Dr. Maddox) Can we go? Cougars only drink free 'til nine.


J.D.: I didn't play sports, per se, George, I was the mascot for the girls' volleyball team.
George: Really? Wear a costume?
J.D.: Oh, great costume. I wore a bandanna and a half-shirt. At away games I wore spurs, which, in retrospect, is sort of weird 'cause we weren't The Cowboys.

George: So what happened to dinner?
J.D.'s narration: We didn't want George to feel he was a burden, so we had to come up with a great excuse.
Turk: Giant oak tree fell on the restaurant.

Dr. Maddox: I'm the Chief of Medicine.
Jordan: I'm the chief of slag-smacking, so I'd keep moving if I were you.

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