Scrubs Season 5 Episode 7: "My Way Home" Quotes
Turk: Dr. Kelso! 'Sup. Look, I just heard that we're doing our first ever in-house heart transplant. Now, I know you'll be objective in choosing which surgical resident gets to assist. But! I also thought you might enjoy this commemorative Dr. Kelso bobble head. Huh?!
Dr. Kelso: Ahh, bobble heads! You always think you're gonna get bored with 'em, but you never do. Bobbly bobbly bobbly bobbly bobbly bobbly bobbly bobbly bobbly bob-
Turk: Sir!
Dr. Kelso: Eh? Oh! Turkleton, you're still here! Did you honestly think you'd be the only surgeon to walk in here and try to bribe me?
Jordan: Okay, either the heat in my office is broken, or I drifted off and fantasized about Rudy Giulliani again.
Turk: Haha! He's not even sexy! Right, baby?
Carla: Aye, Rudy, don't stop...
Turk: Baby!
Carla: Huh?
Carla: Aww, that's gonna be us someday.
Turk: How does that not make you nervous!? I mean, what if our kid's out of control? Like, I was watching 'Webster' last night, right? And Webster got all into the pancake mix. And baby, I mean all into the pancake mix!
Carla: Oh, Turk, that's a stupid sitcom!
Turk and J.D. gasp.
Carla: I mean, that's a sitcom.
Janitor: Watch it - wet paint. Kelso's startin' a new line system to help people get around. Green's gonna go to the smoker's lounge; blue, the I.C.U.; yellow to all the exits.
J.D.: What's red for?
Janitor: Sneaker painting.
(Elliot holds her hand up and J.D. runs in to high five)
J.D.: Here's some!
Dr. Cox: You're going to high five that? Bi-hig mistake.
J.D.: I didn't know what I was high fiving. I gotta stop doing that!
Ted: My band has decided we're only singing songs from classic movies now.
J.D.: Ted, I'm a little busy, ok? (Shows his hands which is filled with blood) Toodles.
Dr. Cox: Dorothy, you're going home, are ya?
J.D.: Yep!
So he's green. Don't beat yourself up, Carla. Come on, so far on my watch, he's gotten stitches, cut his own hair, and eaten over four dollars in change. Honestly, if I ever need to feed the parking meter, I just check the diaper, don't I?
Dr. Cox
Carla: Why aren't you freaking out? Look at him - your kid's like all green and slimy.
Dr. Cox: Well, I suppose it's because when Jordan was pregnant, I mentally prepared myself for her giving birth to something green and...slimy.
Carla: Where is Jordan, anyway?
Dr. Cox: The wicked witch of the east wing?
Elliot: J.D.! There is no way that I'm gonna be able to pull this off! In a few hours, I'm going to have a room full of specialists firing questions at me! I'm gonna be a bigger fraud than Barry Bonds!
J.D.'s Narration: Okay, you know he's an athlete of some kind. Just say something general!
J.D.: Still, I love it when Bonds wins at the game that he plays...
Turk: Mr. Bolger, look...before you throw me outta here, I just want to apologize about earlier. Um...I don't know what I was thinking. But rest assured, from here on out, whatever you ask me, I will be completely honest with you.
Mr. Bolger: Do you shave your head because you like the way it looks, or because you're going bald?
Turk:...Bald...
Dr. Kelso: Eh, Dr. Reid, our hospital lecture series is tonight, and our psychologist, Dr. Burke, had to cancel his talk on fear of public speaking.
Elliot: Why, because he's afraid of speaking in public? Heh. Yeah.
Dr. Kelso: No, uh, his depression finally got the best of him, and he hung himself.
