Scrubs Quotes
J.D.: Dr. Kelso, he's always telling me, you know, "You've gotta stay positive!"
Dr. Cox: I'm gonna go ahead and say this just as carefully as possible so I don't overstate it: Dr. Kelso is the most evil human being on the planet. And may, in fact, be Satan, himself
Turk: This morning, I had my hands inside of a guy's chest. I couldn't even see them! I should not be allowed to do stuff like that. Whazzup.
J.D.: And you weren't scared?
Turk: One way or another, everyone stops bleeding. That is so deep.
Carla: No it isn't.
Turk: It's a little deep
Mr. Bursky: So, what's it like being a young, hot-shot doctor?
J.D.: It's like... Did you ever go see a movie that everyone told you was great, and then because of all those expectations, you ended up totally disappointed?
Mr. Bursky: Movies nowadays have too many special effects.
J.D.: Yeah, that was pretty much my point
Dr. Cox: Look, worst case scenario, you kill somebody, and that hangs over your head the rest of your life... But that is the absolute worst case scenario. Come on, newbie, look: Just have the nurses do all the stuff you're still too chicken to do, which I assume covers just about everything, and if you have a really rough admission-
J.D.: Call you?
Dr. Cox: No! I was gonna say go hide in the closet again!
Turk: Todd, J.D. J.D., this is my man, Todd.
J.D.: What's goin'...?
J.D.'s narration [After having his hand slapped by Todd]: And like that I was back in high school. You see, surgical interns are all slice 'em and dice 'em. They're the jocks. Medical interns, we're trained to think about the body. Diagnose, test. The medical interns...well, we're the chess club
[in an elevator full of people]
Mr. Bursky: I just had bad gas. What are you testing me for?
J.D.: We need to know if your gas could be harmful to others
Since I was a kid, I've been able to sleep through anything -- storms, sirens, you name it. Last night, I didn't sleep
J.D.'s narration
J.D.: Hey, I was, uh, I was paged.
Carla: Aww. First day, Bambi?
J.D.: Yeah.
Carla: Carla will take care of you.
Dr. Kelso: The necrosis and infected stool most likely indicate what, Dr... Dorian?
[J.D. looks to Elliot for help]
Elliot [whispers]: I don't know
J.D.: Sir, I have no idea.
Dr. Kelso: Dr. Reid, can you help him out?
Elliot: I'd say it's superior mesenteric insufficiency
J.D.: I thought we cared about each other...
Elliot: Oh please, if you didn't want to sleep with me, you'd have done the same thing.
J.D.: Well, I'll tell you one thing, the last thing in the world I wanna do is sleep wit'cha now!
Elliot: Do me right here.
J.D.: Okay.
Elliot: See!
Turk: Wait. Tell me if I'm going too fast, okay?
Carla: Lose the clothes
Laverne: I need to see you in Mr. Bursky's room.
J.D.: Are you flirting with me? You are, aren't you!
