Dr. Cox: No, honey, the reason we're late is that you took forever to get ready. That's what happens when you're vain!
Jordan: Whatever you say, Mr. Yesterday I Had Chest-hair, Today I Suddenly Don't.

J.D.'s Narration: What Carla didn't know was that Turk was using his brother as a selling point. Because no one said "family" more than Kevin Turk.
Turk: Baby.
Carla: Yeah?
Turk: Check out my bother's kids.
Carla: Awwwwww... They're adorable!
Turk: How's that great marriage of yours, man?
Kevin: Over.
J.D.'s Narration: Oh, no.
Turk: Say what?
Kevin: I couldn't take it anymore. I had to get the hell out of there!
Carla: Get the hell out of there?
J.D.'s Narration: Oh, my God! Do something to change the subject! Anything!
J.D.: Everybody! Soda chugging contest!

Jordan: Tell you what, we'll compromise. I'll decide this, and you get to decide...um... Sorry, I got nothing.
Dr. Gerson: Look, it's common for each parent to feel differently.
Dr. Cox: Actually, I am not the father; he's a bell-boy in Greece.
Jordan: We think.

Kevin: So, look, Chris, I got a meeting this afternoon... but what do you say tonight, me and you tear it up like we used to!
Turk: I gotta work.
Kevin: Well, get somebody to cover for your ass, man! I'm only here for the weekend!
Turk: Look, I just asked Carla to marry me, and you were in there acting like a jerk.
Kevin: Oh, man! You-you-you're engaged!? Congratulations!
Turk: She hasn't exactly said yes yet.
Kevin: Well, that-that-that-that's all right. Sometimes a lady just needs to sleep on it.
Turk: I asked her a week ago.
Kevin: Damn!

Dr. Cox: Barbie, lookit, I need you to go down to the lab and get Mrs. Miller's blood-work; I also need you to disimpact Mr. Burnett in 317; and what did you say the sex of the child was?
Elliot: I've got a better idea: You do those things, and when you're done, I'll think about telling you the sex.
Dr. Cox: Huh, that's weird. It seems like you just went to a swap meet and got yourself a big-boy spine.

Dr Cox: Now, listen, you tell or else!
Elliot: Or else what? You'll treat me worse than you usually do? Here's the inside scoop, Perry: For the first time, I have leverage. You're familiar with leverage, right? It's what you're going to need when you disimpact Mr. Burnett - who, by the way, is so locked up, I'm guessing he's been eating either gum, rubber cement, or cork.
Dr. Cox: Look. Barbie.
Elliot: Yeah... that's not my name.
Dr. Cox: Fine... Dr...Reid? Really?
Elliot: What?
Dr. Cox: Nothing.

J.D.: Excuse me, sir, do you have a second?
Dr. Kelso: Sport, what did I tell you about my open-door policy? I don't have one.

J.D.: Dr. Kelso, I was the one who nicked the artery on Mr. Singer.
Dr. Townshend: Oh, cheese on rice, son! I just said it was me!
Dr. Kelso: You need to shape up, son. Lord knows you're never gonna get by on your looks.

Elliot: Look, I really think that you should think about this. So, I wrote it down, and I put it in an envelope, and then I gave it to... her.
Jordan: Hi, Honey.
Dr. Cox: Oh, you are just so gonna pay for this.
Elliot: Yeah... well, uh, so are you.
Jordan: Bend over, baby.

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