Why is there an intern in my bathroom? It's not my birthday...

Jordan

Carla: Look, I feel like I can give you a list of things that are sucky about being pregnant. For starters, I am now horny as I have ever been and my husband is repulsed by me.
Turk: Listen, if you really need it that badly, I will suck it up and shut my eyes so tight and then do you.
Carla: Thank you for the sacrifice.
Turk: It's because I love you.

Carla: It is ok, don't get up. I got it!
Turk: Okay.
Carla: It's only your child.

(On the phone) No mom! Playpen and baby cage is not like "toe-may-toe toe-mah-toe."

Janitor

J.D.: Two and a half weeks is too long to wait for a third date.
Kim: I'm pregnant.
J.D.: What now?

Why does your TV smell like doo-doo?

Turk

Elliot Reid - Moment Killer

J.D.'s Narration

I hate cleaning up after those messy old queens. Oooh, appletini, when did they start drinking straight guy drinks?

J.D.'s Narration

Elliot: Tell me every detail about the first date.
Kim: We went horseback riding on the beach.
Elliot: Ah yes, I have been on that date.
Kim: Oh really?
J.D.: What? I had a coupon.

And there it was, the moment where pity was turning into genuine affection - classic Dorian.

J.D.

Kim: See ya round six, wear something slutty. Zoom, zoom, zoom!
J.D.:It's mine.

J.D.: I have to get ready man. I want my date with Kim to be perfect. What do you think about a romantic horseback ride on the beach?
Turk: Ooh, like you and I did for your birthday.
J.D.: Yeah but except this time with two horses.

Scrubs Season 5 Quotes

Nurse: Oh, Dr. Reid, are you joining us for lunch today?
Elliot: Ahhh... anyone want half a tofu-cheese sandwich?

(J.D.'s trying to sneak out of the apartment in his underwear)
Carla:J.D.!
J.D.: I gotta make a quick twosie.