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Why is there an intern in my bathroom? It's not my birthday...

Jordan

Why does your TV smell like doo-doo?

Turk

Carla: It is ok, don't get up. I got it!
Turk: Okay.
Carla: It's only your child.

And there it was, the moment where pity was turning into genuine affection - classic Dorian.

J.D.

Carla: Thank you! Is this for when we buy the baby a dog?
Janitor: No! It's a baby cage! It's a good one too! See? When I was a kid, mine didn't have these windows! It's perfect! When you want to go out to dinner, it's already got a water bottle in it, so you just throw in some cedar chips in there so the baby can poop... you're made in the shade!
(Silence)
Janitor: I'm kidding! It's for when they buy the baby a.. uh.. uh.. a puppy!
Everyone: Ohhh..

J.D.: Hey Tubby!
Carla: Oh J.D., I want you to feel the baby, come here quick!
(J.D. leans in to feel, at which point Carla smacks J.D.'s ears)
Don't call me tubby!
J.D.'s Narration: Pregnant witch!

I hate cleaning up after those messy old queens. Oooh, appletini, when did they start drinking straight guy drinks?

J.D.'s Narration

Elliot Reid - Moment Killer

J.D.'s Narration

I pooped in my bed so I put it on the TV.

Jack

J.D.: I was going to make you dinner and then go to karaoke but I don't know how to do both the same night...Unless of course...
Elliot: J.D., not floating head doctor.
J.D.: Too late, I'm already there.

Kim: So, Josh, you are suffering from a condition called phimosis. It's basically a hardening of your foreskin. As part of your treatment, I'm going to ask that you masturbate five times a week.
J.D.'s narration: Help the poor kid out...
J.D.: Wow five times a week, huh? For me that would be cutting back!
J.D.'s narration: He said in front of his future girlfriend.
J.D.: You know what? I should probably mosey.

Elliot: Tell me every detail about the first date.
Kim: We went horseback riding on the beach.
Elliot: Ah yes, I have been on that date.
Kim: Oh really?
J.D.: What? I had a coupon.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 697 in total

Scrubs Season 5 Quotes

Why does your TV smell like doo-doo?

Turk

Elliot, maybe you should be the one to open Jake up? You know like Turk can be a little...immature - you know, like I always have to talk about my feelings over dinner or shut off his iPod during sex.

Carla