I'm disturbed, I'm depressed, I'm inadequate. I've got it all!

George

I lie every second of the day. My whole life is a sham.

George

That's it! Flaming globes of Sigmund! Flaming globes of Sigmund! That's my note! That's what I thought was so funny? That's not funny. There's nothing funny about that.

Jerry

(to George) You know, you really need some help. But a regular psychiatrist couldn't even help you. You need to go to like, Vienna, or something. You know what I mean? You need to get involved at the university level. Like where Freud studied, and have all those people looking at you and checking up on you. That's the kind of help you need. Not the once a week for eighty bucks. No, you need a team. A team of psychiatrists working round the clock, thinking about you, having conferences, observing you. Like the way they did with the Elephant Man.

Jerry

George: God would never let me be successful; he'd kill me first. He'd never let me be happy.
Therapist: I thought you didn't believe in God?
George: I do for the bad things.

Helene: It was sad for a Three Stooges picture, what with the dead baby and the Stooges being executed and all.
Kramer: Yeah, well that was an unusual choice for the Stooges.

Kramer goes to a Fantasy camp? His whole life is a fantasy camp! People should plunk down $2,000 to live like him for a week. Do nothing, fall ass backwards in the money, mooch food off your neighbors and have sex without dating; now that's a fantasy camp.

George

George: You can't break up with me. I've got hand!Noel: And you're gonna need it.

Kramer: Spector gave it to me. He's giving everything away... becoming a minimalist.George: Is that the guy who likes fat women?Jerry: Doesn't the fat fetish conflict with the minimalism?

Cable boy. Cable boy. What have you done to my little cable boy?

Kramer

Elaine: Who'd you punch?
Kramer: Mickey Mantle.

Attendant: More anything?
Jerry: More everything!

Seinfeld Quotes

Elaine: (referring to Dr. Reston) He's like a Svenjolly.
Jerry: Svengali.
Elaine: What did I say?
Jerry: Svenjolly.
Elaine: Svenjolly? I did not say Svenjolly.
Jerry: George?
George: Svenjolly. (licking some peanut butter off his finger)
Elaine: I don't see how I could've said Svenjolly.
Jerry: Well, maybe he's got, like, a cheerful mental hold on you.

I love the name 'isosceles'. If I had a kid, I would name him Isosceles. Isosceles Kramer.

Kramer