Favorite Seinfeld Quotes
I'm disturbed, I'm depressed, I'm inadequate. I've got it all!George
I lie every second of the day. My whole life is a sham.George
(to George) You know, you really need some help. But a regular psychiatrist couldn't even help you. You need to go to like, Vienna, or something. You know what I mean? You need to get involved at the university level. Like where Freud studied, and have all those people looking at you and checking up on you. That's the kind of help you need. Not the once a week for eighty bucks. No, you need a team. A team of psychiatrists working round the clock, thinking about you, having conferences, observing you. Like the way they did with the Elephant Man.Jerry
That's it! Flaming globes of Sigmund! Flaming globes of Sigmund! That's my note! That's what I thought was so funny? That's not funny. There's nothing funny about that.Jerry
Helene: It was sad for a Three Stooges picture, what with the dead baby and the Stooges being executed and all.
Kramer: Yeah, well that was an unusual choice for the Stooges.
George: God would never let me be successful; he'd kill me first. He'd never let me be happy.
Therapist: I thought you didn't believe in God?
George: I do for the bad things.
Naomi: I thought you were happy-go-lucky.
Jerry: No, no, no, I'm not happy, I'm not lucky, and I don't go. If anything, I'm sad-stop-unlucky.
I can't carry a pen, I'm afraid I'll puncture my scrotum.George
(trying to convince a reporter that he's not gay) Look, you wanna have sex right now? Do want to have sex with me right now? Let's go! C'mon, let's go baby! C'mon!George
Elaine: Who'd you punch?
Kramer: Mickey Mantle.
I've driven women to lesbianism before but never to a mental institution.George
The apartment elevators are always slower than the offices, because you don't have to be home on time.Jerry