Favorite Seinfeld Quotes
I'm disturbed, I'm depressed, I'm inadequate. I've got it all!George
I lie every second of the day. My whole life is a sham.George
George: God would never let me be successful; he'd kill me first. He'd never let me be happy.
Therapist: I thought you didn't believe in God?
George: I do for the bad things.
That's it! Flaming globes of Sigmund! Flaming globes of Sigmund! That's my note! That's what I thought was so funny? That's not funny. There's nothing funny about that.Jerry
(to George) You know, you really need some help. But a regular psychiatrist couldn't even help you. You need to go to like, Vienna, or something. You know what I mean? You need to get involved at the university level. Like where Freud studied, and have all those people looking at you and checking up on you. That's the kind of help you need. Not the once a week for eighty bucks. No, you need a team. A team of psychiatrists working round the clock, thinking about you, having conferences, observing you. Like the way they did with the Elephant Man.Jerry
Helene: It was sad for a Three Stooges picture, what with the dead baby and the Stooges being executed and all.
Kramer: Yeah, well that was an unusual choice for the Stooges.
A crazy clown is after you? Oh, that's rich!Ticket Taker
I can't carry a pen, I'm afraid I'll puncture my scrotum.George
(to George) That's what you had to tell me? Your father wears sneakers in the pool?Carol
Cable boy. Cable boy. What have you done to my little cable boy?Kramer
The truth? You want the truth? It is your earrings! It is the chopsticks, but it's so much more! You're pretentious! You call everyone by their full name! You call my doorman, Sammy, "Samuel" but you didn't even say "Samuel", you went "Samuelle!" Papie-ay mach-ay? What is papie-ay mach-ay?George
George: There's just no justice. This experience has changed me! It's made me more cynical, more bitter, more jaded!
George: Sure, why not