George: Why don't they have salsa on the table?
Jerry: What do you need salsa for?
George: Salsa is now the number one condiment in America.
Jerry: You know why? Because people like to say "salsa." "Excuse me, do you have any salsa?" We need more salsa." "Where's the salsa? No salsa?"
George: You know, it must be impossible for a Spanish person to order seltzer and not get salsa. "I wanted seltzer, not salsa!"
Jerry: "Don't you know the difference between seltzer and salsa?! You have the seltzer after the salsa!"

Kramer goes to a Fantasy camp? His whole life is a fantasy camp! People should plunk down $2,000 to live like him for a week. Do nothing, fall ass backwards in the money, mooch food off your neighbors and have sex without dating; now that's a fantasy camp.

George

I'm disturbed, I'm depressed, I'm inadequate. I've got it all!

George

Nice lookin' Luger.

Jerry

Who left the door open?

Antonio

Susan: You okay?
George: Yeah, yes! I just haven't seen you in a long time.
Susan: And you didn't expect me to be holding hands with a woman.
George: Oh, please! Me? C'mon? That's great! Are you kidding? I think that's fantastic! I've always encouraged experimentation! I'm the first guy in the pool! Who do you think you're talking to?
Susan: I KNOW who I'm talking to.
George: Of course you doIt's just, uh, y'know, I-I never knew, uh, that, uh
Susan: I liked women.
George: There you go.

(to Joel) It's not you, it's me!

Jerry

Trust me George, no one has any interest in seeing you on caffeine.

Clair

Jerry: Let me ask you this: is there any Tampax in your house?
George: Yeah
Jerry: Well, I'll tell you what you got here. You got yourself a girlfriend.
George: Oh no!

I could get uromisitisis poisoning and die!

Jerry

My Cubans!
(He runs off to the burning cabin)

Kramer

(about George) He thinks that if a woman sees a guy put on a better show, she'll walk out on his show and go see the other show.

Elaine

Seinfeld Quotes

Elaine: (referring to Dr. Reston) He's like a Svenjolly.
Jerry: Svengali.
Elaine: What did I say?
Jerry: Svenjolly.
Elaine: Svenjolly? I did not say Svenjolly.
Jerry: George?
George: Svenjolly. (licking some peanut butter off his finger)
Elaine: I don't see how I could've said Svenjolly.
Jerry: Well, maybe he's got, like, a cheerful mental hold on you.

I love the name 'isosceles'. If I had a kid, I would name him Isosceles. Isosceles Kramer.

Kramer