I was audited last year. At first I thought well, IRS kinda sounds like Toys 'R Us maybe won't be so bad.


My cousin Douglas was in a place like this one time. He came over to my house for dinner. There was no soda and he went berserk. He was screaming. "Where's the Pepsi, where's the Pepsi?"


Elaine: Who walks into a women's bedroom without knocking?!
Kramer: I thought it was a closet.

Kramer: Blame me.
Jerry: No, I blame myself.
Kramer: No blame me.
Jerry: OK, I blame you.
Kramer: What don't blame me.

George: They give you those word association tests. I love those.Jerry: That'd be great. There's no wrong answer.George: Potato.Jerry: Tuberculosis.George: Blanket.Jerry: Leroy.George: Grass.Jerry: Tuberculosis.

Pity is very underrated.


(all to Elaine)
Kramer: So is everything cool?
Tina: Yea, you seem a bit dysfunctional.

The IRS! They're like the Mafia! They can take anything they want!


I've driven women to lesbianism before but never to a mental institution.

Displaying quotes 1 - 9 of 18 in total