I was audited last year. At first I thought well, IRS kinda sounds like Toys 'R Us maybe won't be so bad.

Jerry

My cousin Douglas was in a place like this one time. He came over to my house for dinner. There was no soda and he went berserk. He was screaming. "Where's the Pepsi, where's the Pepsi?"

Jerry

Elaine: Who walks into a women's bedroom without knocking?!
Kramer: I thought it was a closet.

Kramer: Blame me.
Jerry: No, I blame myself.
Kramer: No blame me.
Jerry: OK, I blame you.
Kramer: What don't blame me.

George: They give you those word association tests. I love those.Jerry: That'd be great. There's no wrong answer.George: Potato.Jerry: Tuberculosis.George: Blanket.Jerry: Leroy.George: Grass.Jerry: Tuberculosis.

Pity is very underrated.

George

(all to Elaine)
Kramer: So is everything cool?
Tina: Yea, you seem a bit dysfunctional.

The IRS! They're like the Mafia! They can take anything they want!

Jerry

I've driven women to lesbianism before but never to a mental institution.

George

Elaine: What is this?
Kramer: Well, it's a windshield. It's going to be your new coffee table.
Elaine: Ah, I'm going to kill myself on that thing. You can't even see it.
Jerry: You'll sense it.

Elaine: You're extremely...careful...with money.
George: I'm cheap? You think I'm CHEAP? How could you say that to me? I can't
believe this. How could you say that to me?
Elaine: You asked me to!
George: You should have lied!
Elaine: HUH, so should you.
George: I mean I'm not really working right now.
Elaine: I know.
George: When I was working I SPENT baby!
Jerry: Yeah, I know champagne, limos, cigars.

Elaine: And now you're being audited for it. See, that's Karma.
Jerry: No, that's Kramer.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 18 in total

Seinfeld Season 3 Episode 2 Quotes

My cousin Douglas was in a place like this one time. He came over to my house for dinner. There was no soda and he went berserk. He was screaming. "Where's the Pepsi, where's the Pepsi?"

Jerry

I was audited last year. At first I thought well, IRS kinda sounds like Toys 'R Us maybe won't be so bad.

Jerry
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