Seinfeld

NBC

Seinfeld "The Visa" Quotes

Elaine: Who'd you punch?
Kramer: Mickey Mantle.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Babu: (to Jerry) You're a very bad man.
• Rating: Unrated

George: I'm disturbed, I'm depressed, I'm inadequate. I've got it all!
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

George: Kramer goes to a Fantasy camp? His whole life is a fantasy camp! People should plunk down $2,000 to live like him for a week. Do nothing, fall ass backwards in the money, mooch food off your neighbors and have sex without dating; now that's a fantasy camp.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

George: Jerry is dark and disturbed? His whole life revolves around Superman and cereal!
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jerry: Well, birthdays are really symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake we know it's not to be, that for the rest of our sad, wretched, pathetic life, this is who we are to the bitter end, inevitably, irrevocably happy birthday? No such thing.
• Rating: Unrated

Cheryl: You're a very serious person, aren't you?
Jerry: Well, with so many people in the world deprived and unhappy, it doesn't
seem like it would be fair to be cheerful.
Cheryl: I understand.
• Rating: Unrated

Elaine: Snapple?
Babu's Brother: No, too fruity.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jerry: Why don't we just say give us the unhappy, the sad, the slow, the ugly, people that can't drive, if they have trouble merging, if they can't stay in their lane, if they don't signal, if they can't parallel park, if they're sneezing, if they're stuffed up, if they're clogged, if they have bad penmanship, don't return calls, if they have dandruff, food between their teeth, if they have bad credit, if they have no credit, missed a spot shaving.
• Rating: Unrated