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Debbie: Why do guys care so much about sex?
Carl: Because it feels awesome.
Debbie: How would you know?
Carl: If my hand's anything like the real thing, it's off the chain.

I prefer carcinogens to endorphins.


Hey Mike if you give me another chance, I promise not to screw your brother or commit a felony!


Carl: How can you tell when you're in love with someone?
Debbie: When you wanna rip out someone's heart and stomp on it until it's soup.

Mickey: You are the worst f**king pimp I've ever seen.
Kev: Is that supposed to be some kind of insult?

Frank: Take me to The Alibi.
Sammi: The bar.
Frank: I've always been comfortable there.

I try to make it a point of not banging my roommate's girlfriend.

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