You want to get shit faced in the middle of the day. Vodka's best. Believe me. I know. I'm Russian.

Svetlana

It's a brave new world, Fiona.

Kevin

Debbie: I don't even think I'm coming.
Fiona: To my wedding?

Are you wearing cologne?

Fiona

They call it distance learning. Know what I call it? Discrimination.

Debbie

You have no money yet you're going into a grocery store. Interesting.

Frank

Debbie: I want to learn.
Teacher: Okay, here's a lesson: use condoms.

Can you fucking believe that shit?

Kevin

Lip: It'd be funny if he actually showed up.
Fiona: And what? Pretended to reach into his pocket?

It's my traditional right to ask said patriarch pay for it.

Fiona

Customer: Where's my change?
Svetlana: In tip jar.
Customer: I didn't ask to tip $5.
Svetlana: Exactly.

Debbie: Where's your house?
Queenie: My tent's right up there.
Debbie: Your tent?

Shameless Quotes

When you're poor, the only way to make money is to steal it or scam it.

Lip

Ian: Hey Fiona? I'm gay.
Fiona: I know.