The Big Bang Theory

Thursdays 8:00 PM on CBS

Season: 5 4 3 2 1

The Big Bang Theory Quotes (Page 3)

Episode 13: "The Recombination Hypothesis"

Leonard: No, just you and me.
Penny: Have you thought this through?
Leonard: Yes, and I think we should go anyway.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Bernadette: Boy, I don't know if I could be friends with Howie if we broke up.
Howard: Why not?
Bernadette: I'm a very vengeful person.
Howard: Really?
Bernadette: With access to weaponized smallpox.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Leonard: Penny and Leonard 2.0. We can test it internally, shake out the bugs, and if we both think it is solid, we roll it out to the public
• Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Leonard: What are you afraid of?
Penny: Well, what if we do go out and I do something stupid and dump you again.
Leonard: What if I dump you?
Penny: [Scoffs] Come on, be serious.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Leonard: How does a miserable date end in sex?
Penny: I don't know, it's complicated.
Leonard: Well, I'm a pretty smart guy and right now my brain has dibs on the blood supply so give it a go.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Sheldon: Now, back to our game.
Raj: You were in the middle of an erection.
Sheldon: Oh, of course. It's right here in my hand.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Sheldon: And now that I have some wood. I'm going to begin the erection of my settlement.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Penny: Bat signal? What are you, some kind of nerd?
Leonard: Not some kind of nerd, I'm the king of nerds.
Penny: What does that mean?
Leonard: Uh, it means if anyone displeases me, I don't help them set up their printer.
Penny: You are so funny.
Leonard: Good. Remember that when I take my shirt off
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Sheldon: Now, where were we? Oh, yes. Does anyone have any wood?
Raj and Howard: [Both snickering]
Sheldon: Oh, come on. I just want wood. Why are you making it so hard?
• Rating: 4.3 / 5.0

Raj: Did you forget what Penny did to you? It took two years and defiling my sister to turn that frown upside down.
Leonard: I didn't defile your sister, we had a relationship.
Raj:I heard you called her Brown Sugar. In my book, that's defilement.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Sheldon: I want to build a road, but I need wood. Do either of you fellows have wood?
Raj and Howard: [Both chuckling]
Sheldon: I don't understand the laughter. The object of Settlers of Catan is to build roads and settlements. To do so requires wood. Now I have sheep; I need wood. Who has wood for my sheep?
• Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Bernadette: Sometimes Howard and I pretend that his arrhythmia is acting up and I'm his sexy cardiologist. And the naughty part is I'm not in his HMO network.
• Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Sheldon: Oh, no. They sent the wrong Spock. Live long and suck it, Zachary Quinto.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Penny: You mean, like a date?
Leonard: Not like a date, a date.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Episode 12: "The Shiny Trinket Maneuver"

Amy: Jewelry? Seriously? Sheldon, you are the most shallow, self-centered person I have ever met. Do you really think that another transparently manipul... Oh! It's a tiara! A tiara. I have a tiara! Put it on me, put it on me, put it on me, put it on me, put it on me, put it on me, put it on me.
Penny: You look beautiful
Amy: Of course I do. I'm a princess and this is my tiara.
Sheldon: You were right, the tiara was too much.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Leonard: Look, Howard, I'd say there's lots of fish in the sea, but I've seen you dangle your hook in that water for years, do not throw her back.
• Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Howard: I mean, even Donkey Kong had Donkey Kong, Jr., so he could teach someone how to kidnap princesses and throw barrels at Italian plumbers
• Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Sheldon: I don't think there's anything in this jewelry store that Amy would appreciate more than the humidifier that we were just looking at at Sears.
Penny: Oh, my God, now I know what I sound like to you when I say stupid stuff.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Leonard: I don't know what to tell you, buy her something.
Sheldon: How does that work?
Leonard: Well, you skip over any attempt to repair your emotional connection and you win back her affection with an empty financial gesture.
• Rating: 3.7 / 5.0