Penny: You know, the last time I got a handwritten letter was from someone who told me I parked like a blind person.
Leonard: That someone has a name.
Sheldon: Thank you.

Sheldon: Sounds like it's time for the Sheldon Cooper apology tour!
Leonard: Oh, I hope it's as much fun as the Sheldon Cooper spell checks local menus tour.

Good, now try it as if this wasn't your first day as a person.

Amy

Why don't you tell me what happened, and in a gentle and loving way, I'll explain to you why you're wrong.

Amy

I hope laughter is the best medicine because this care package is a joke.

Sheldon

Why isn't everyone happy? Your little ray of sunshine is ready to beam again!

Sheldon

Amy: I wish you were here.
Sheldon: At a microbiology conference? What a mean thing to say!
Amy: Okay, I'm glad you're not here?
Sheldon: Aww, you always know just what to say, after I tell you what to say.

Koothrappali: I should warn you: it's just looking at data for hours and hours on a computer screen.
Sheldon: Stop selling it, kid. You won.

Leonard: I'm not going to make a fake appointment with a psychiatrist. What would I say is wrong with me?
Koothrappali: Low self esteem.
Howard: Social anxiety.
Sheldon: Sexual insecurity.
Leonard: None of that is true.
Penny: Denial. See sweetie, the list goes on and on.

Gallo: I'm curious. Are you related to Dr. Beverly Hofstadter?
Leonard: She's my mother. Do you know her?
Gallo: Not personally, but I have read all of her books.
Leonard: Then you know her better than I do.
Gallo: Well I'm not so sure about that. But I can tell you I do not agree with her theories on child rearing at all.
Leonard: Really. Any chance you find them cold, cruel and unsuitable for Innocent little boys who just want to be happy?
Gallo: Well, I didn't want to say it...
Leonard: No, say it! Say it! Rent a plane, write it in the sky.

Leonard: Do you know she never let me celebrate my birthday because being born was her achievement, not mine?
Gallo: That's heart-breaking.
Leonard: Right? To this day I send her a card every year with a little money in it.

Howard: Like when you were going to make that pie, Stuart ate all the blueberries...
Bernadette: He tried to deny it but his teeth were all purple.
Howard: That was pretty cute.
Bernadette: Yeah.
Bernadette: Ew, we are missing him!

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Hey, Sheldon, did you change your Wi-Fi password again?
Sheldon: Yes, it's "Penny, get your own Wi-Fi." No spaces.

Leonard: Hi. I'm Leonard. You are beautiful. You pop, sparkle and buzz electric. I'm going to pick you up at eight, show you a night you will never forget.
Raj: Where are we going?