The Big Bang Theory

The Big Bang Theory Season 1 Quotes (Page 3)

Season 1 Episode 13: "The Bat Jar Conjecture"

Sheldon: I've designed the perfect uniforms for our team. The colors are based on Star Trek: The Original Series; the three of you will wear support red, and I will wear command gold.
Leonard: Why do they say, "AA"?
Sheldon: Army Ants.
Leonard: Isn't that confusing? AA might mean something else to certain people.
Sheldon: Why would a Physics Bowl team be called Anodized Aluminum?
 • Rating: Unrated

[Raj whispers in Wolowitz's ear]
Penny: What did he say?
Wolowitz: He compared Sheldon to a disposable feminine cleansing product one might use on a summer's eve.
Penny: Yeah, and the bag it came in
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Sheldon: Point of order. I move that any vote on team names must be unanimous. No man should be forced to emblazon his chest with a Bengal tiger when common sense dictates it should be an army ant.
Leonard: Will the gentleman of the great state of denial yield for a question?
Sheldon: I will yield.
Leonard: After we go through the exercise of an annoying series of votes, all of witch the gentleman will lose, does he then intend to threaten to quit if he does not get his way?
Sheldon: He does!
Leonard: I move we are the Army Ants
 • Rating: Unrated

Leonard: Check it out. I got you a Batman cookie jar.
Sheldon: Ohhh, neat, what is the occasion?
Leonard: Well, you are a friend, and you like Batman and cookies, and you are off the team
 • Rating: Unrated

Sheldon: Teams are traditionally named after fierce creatures, thus intimidating one's opponent.
Raj: Then we could be the Bengal Tigers.
Sheldon: Poor choice—gram for gram, no animal exceeds the relative fighting strength of the army ant.
Raj: Maybe so, but you can't incinerate a Bengal tiger with a magnifying glass
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Wolowitz: Oh, more details about the new Star Trek film. There's going to be a scene depicting Spock's birth.
Raj: I'd be more interested in a scene depicting Spock's conception.
Sheldon: Oh, please. For Vulcans, mating—or if you will, pon farr—it's an extremely private matter.
Leonard: Still, I'd like to know the details. His mother was human; his father was Vulcan. They couldn't just conceive.
Wolowitz: Maybe they had to go to a clinic. Can you imagine Spock's dad in a little room with a copy of Pointy Ears and Shapely Rears?
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Season 1 Episode 12: "The Jerusalem Duality"

Sheldon: I notice you're using titanium. Did you give any consideration to carbon nanotubes? They're lighter, cheaper, and have twice the tensile strength.
Wolowitz: Sheldon, there is a diploma in my office that says I have a masters in engineering.
Sheldon: And you also have a note from your mother that says, "I love you, bubulah," but neither of those is a cogent argument for titanium over nanotubes
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Sheldon: 15 years old. Dennis Kim is 15 years old and he's already correcting my work. Today I went from being Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart to—you know—that other guy.
Wolowitz: Antonio Salieri.
Sheldon: Oh, God, now even you're smarter than me.
 • Rating: Unrated

Sheldon: In Texas, when a cow stops giving milk, they don't continue feeding her. They take her out and shoot her between the eyes.
Penny: I'm confused. Did Sheldon stop giving milk?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Leonard: You always knew that someday someone would come along who was younger and smarter.
Sheldon: Yes, but I assumed I would have been dead hundreds of years and that there'd be an asterisk next to his name because he'd be a cyborg
 • Rating: Unrated

Sheldon: Engineering, where the semi-skilled laborers execute the vision of those who think and dream
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Raj [referring to Dennis Kim]: Do you know what he did? He watched me work for ten minutes and then started to design a simple piece of software that could replace me.
Leonard: Is that even possible?
Raj: As it turns out, yes
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Sheldon: What happens if you use argon lasers instead of helium-neon?
Leonard: It would blow up!
Sheldon: Are you sure?
Leonard: Pretty sure...
Sheldon: Pretty sure? It's not very scientific. Is this how you normally work? Just hunches and guesses and stuff?
 • Rating: Unrated

Raj: We need a social catalyst.
Leonard: Like what? We can't get 15-year-old girls drunk.
Wolowitz: Or can we...!?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Sheldon: Here's the problem with teleportation.
Leonard: Lay it on me.
Sheldon: Assuming a device could be invented, which would identify the quantum state of matter of an individual in one location and transmit that pattern to a distant location for reassembly. You would not have actually transported the individual, you would have destroyed him in one location and recreated him in another.
Leonard: How about that.
Sheldon: Personally, I would never use a transporter because the original Sheldon would have to be dissintegrated in order to create a new Sheldon.
Leonard: Would the new Sheldon be in any way an improvement on the old Sheldon?
Sheldon: No, he would be exactly the same.
Leonard: That is a problem
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Leonard: Come on, Dennis, I'll show you the rec center. They've got Nautilus equipment.
Dennis: Do I look like I lift weights?
Leonard: Not heavy ones
 • Rating: Unrated

Sheldon: Ladies and gentlemen... honored daughters... while Mr. Kim, by virtue of his youth and naivety, has fallen prey to the inexplicable need for human contact, let me step in and assure you that my research will go on uninterrupted and that social relationships will continue to baffle and repulse me. Thank you
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Wolowitz: We need a hot 15-year-old Asian girl with a thing for smart guys.
Penny: What?
Leonard: Howard, that's racist. Any fifteen year old girl will do the trick
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Raj [on approaching a girl]: If we were in India this would be simpler. Five minutes with her dad, 20 goats and a laptop, and it would be done
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Leonard: You speak English really well.
Dennis: So do you... except for your tendency to end sentences with prepositions.
Leonard: What are you talking about?
Dennis: That.
Sheldon: He's not wrong
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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