The Big Bang Theory

The Big Bang Theory Season 1 Quotes (Page 4)

Season 1 Episode 11: "The Pancake Batter Anomaly"

Sheldon [on studying in Germany]: The local cuisine was a little more sausage-based than I'm used to, and the result was an internal blitzkrieg, with my lower intestine playing the part of Czechoslovakia
 • Rating: Unrated

[at The Cheesecake Factory]
Penny: Why didn't you just have soup at home?
Sheldon: Penny, I have an IQ of 187. Don't you imagine if there were a way for me to have soup at home, I would have thought of it?
Penny: You can have soup delivered.
Sheldon: I did not think of that
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Leonard: Sheldon, don't you think you're overreacting?
Sheldon: When I'm lying comatose in a hospital, relying on inferior minds to cure me, these Jell-O cultures and my accompanying notes will give them a fighting chance
 • Rating: Unrated

Sheldon: Checkmate.
Leonard: Argh, again?
Sheldon: Obviously you're not well-suited for three-dimensional chess. Perhaps three-dimensional Candyland would be your speed
 • Rating: Unrated

Leonard: Alright, get some rest and drink plenty of fluids.
Sheldon: What else would I drink? Solids? Gases? Ionized plasma?
Leonard: Drink whatever you want
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Sheldon: Anyway, the housekeeper in the faculty residence didn't speak any English. When I finaly managed to convince her I was sick, she said, "Möchtest du eine Darmspülung?"
Penny: What does that mean?
Sheldon: Based on what happened next, I assume it means, "Would you like an enema?"
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Sheldon: If influenza was only contagious after symptoms appear, it would have died out thousands of years ago. Somewhere between tool using and cave painting, Homo habilis would have figured out to kill the guy with the runny nose
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 1 Episode 10: "The Loobenfeld Decay"

Leonard: We're going to Long Beach?
Sheldon: No, of course not. There's no Cousin Leo; there's no intervention. Focus, Leonard.
Leonard: Oh, come on.
Sheldon: We just leave the house on Friday night, and we return in the wee hours, emotionally wrung out from the work of convincing Leo to go back into rehab.
Leonard: So, he goes back into rehab?
Sheldon: Yes, but he can relapse if Penny ever invites us to hear her sing again
 • Rating: Unrated

Penny: Every family in America has a relative holed up in a garage somewhere huffing paint thinner
 • Rating: Unrated

Leonard: Sheldon, are you worried about your safety?
Sheldon: No, I imagine if you were going to kill me, you'd have done it a long time ago.
Leonard: That's very true
 • Rating: Unrated

Leonard: Penny, say hello to Leo.
Penny: Hi, Leo. How are you feeling?
"Leo": Have you ever woken up in a flea-bag motel, covered in your own vomit, next to a transsexual prostitute?
Penny: No.
"Leo": Then don't ask me how I'm feeling.
 • Rating: Unrated

Leonard: How long is [Leo] going to stay here?
Sheldon: He's a homeless drug addict, Leonard. Where's he going to go? Boy, you have a lot to learn about lying
 • Rating: Unrated

Sheldon [knocking on Penny's door]: Penny, Penny, Penny...
[Penny opens the door]
Sheldon: Good morning.
Penny: Do you have any idea what time it is?
Sheldon: Of course I do, my watch is linked to the atomic clock in Boulder, Colorado. It's accurate to one-tenth of a second, but as I'm saying this it occurs to me once again your question may have been rhetorical
 • Rating: Unrated

Sheldon: I'm uncomfortable having been included in your lie to Penny.
Leonard: What was I supposed to say?
Sheldon: You could have told her the truth.
Leonard: That would have hurt her feelings.
Sheldon: Is that a relevant factor?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Then I suppose you could have agreed to go.
Leonard: And what would I have said afterwards?
Sheldon: I would suggest something to the effect of, 'singing is neither an appropriate vocation nor avocation for you, and if you disagree I'd recommend you have a CAT scan to look for a tumor pressing on the cognitive processing centers of your brain
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 1 Episode 9: "The Cooper-Hofstadter Polarization"

Leonard: Sheldon, we have to do this.
Sheldon: No, we don't. We have to take in nourishment, expel waste, and inhale enough oxygen to keep our cells from dying. Everything else is optional
 • Rating: 4.8 / 5.0

Wolowitz: I just checked the house. There's probably 20, 25 people in there.
Leonard: You're kidding!
Penny: Is that all?
Leonard: "All?" In particle physics, 25 is Woodstock.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Penny: So, you know, isn't there maybe some way you and Sheldon could compromise on this whole presentation thing?
Leonard: No. Scientists do not compromise. Our minds are trained to synthesize facts and come to inarguable conclusions. Not to mention Sheldon is bat-crap crazy
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Penny: Howard, would you like to explain to me why your Facebook page has a photo of me sleeping on your shoulder captioned, "Me and My Girlfriend?"
 • Rating: 3.5 / 5.0

Leonard: Are there any other honors that I've gotten that I don't know about? Did UPS drop off a Nobel Prize with my name on it?
Sheldon: Leonard, please don't take this the wrong way, but the day you win a Nobel Prize is the day I begin my research on the drag co-efficient of tassels on flying carpets
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Leonard [watching their fight on YouTube]: Oh, geez, does this suit really look that bad?
Sheldon: Forget your suit. Look at my arms flailing. I'm like a flamingo on Ritalin
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

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