Penny: I always tear up when the Grinch's heart grows three sizes.
Sheldon: Tears seem appropriate. Enlargement of the heart muscle, or hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, is a serious disease which can lead to congestive heart failure.

That's all I know. Oh, wait! Fig Newtons were named after a town in Massachusetts, not the scientist.


Penny: Is that why they're called Fig Newtons?
Sheldon: No. Fig Newtons are named after a small town in Massachusetts. No, don't write that down!

Senior fitness was canceled; it turns out you can forget how to ride a bike.

Mrs. Wolowitz

It's not enough you get the prom queen, you have to get the head of the decorating committee, too?


Can't you surprise him in some other way? For example, I bet he'd be delightfully taken aback if you cleaned your apartment.


While I appreciate the "oh, snap," I'm uncomfortable having your moist breath in my ear.

Sheldon [to Raj]

If I hadn't gone into microbiology, I would have gone into physics. Or ice dancing.


Sheldon: Why are you crying?
Penny: Because I'm stupid!
Sheldon: Well that's no reason to cry; one cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid and it makes me sad.

Sheldon: Where's your notebook?
Penny: I don't have one.
Sheldon: How are you gonna take notes without a notebook?
Penny: I have to take notes?
Sheldon: How else are you gonna study for the tests?
Penny: There's gonna be a test?
Sheldon: Tests. Here, it's college ruled, I hope that's not too intimidating.

Leonard: The more the merrier.
Sheldon: That's a false equivalency, more does not equal merry. If there were two thousand people in this apartment, would we be celebrating? No, we'd be suffocating.

Sheldon, you remind me of a young Lex Luthor.


The Big Bang Theory Season 3 Quotes

Sheldon: Why do you have the Chinese character for "soup" tattooed on your right buttock?
Penny: It's not "soup," it's "courage."
Sheldon: No it isn't. But I suppose it does take courage to demonstrate that kind of commitment to soup.
Penny: How'd you see it? You said you wouldn't look.
Sheldon: Sorry. As I told you, the hero always peeks.

A neutron walks into a bar and asks, "How much for a drink?" The bartender says, "For you? No charge."